me me me.

2008-08-20T23:53:00.002+08:00

its quite sick.
these words seem to have lost their values when they're used just to accomodate you.
it has lost its real meaning.
it feels so empty.
so blank.
so hollow.

i rmbed the first time when these words were said to me.
it fills with so much sincerity.
you can feel it immediately.

things seem to have changed.
life is so impermanent.
it does not last. forever.

2008-02-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

man. its kind of sucking in here.
boohoo.
my blog seems to be a place for me to pour.

there's alot of things running in my mind just now as i walk home.
too many i almost exploded.
i need to tame my thoughts down.
am i even thinking too much? nah...
but i just seems to be in a mess.
suddenly i feel that life's in a mess. how?
i need to get back on track.
i really did change since 2008 started.
im not longer who i use to be.
and i have to return to who i used to be.

i didnt mean to affect people around me.
as in. keeping silent does affect these pple.
haha. guess im really a very noisy one.
whenever im silent, pple start asking me if im fine.
hahaha.
for this. im afraid i may walk into someone's path.
karma will befall.
i know that.

it is difficult to put on a smiley face when u're not in the right state of mind.
but sometimes, i think it is necessary to give a smile so that pple arent affected.
appearent my art of covering up is not there at all.
afjhnalriuhnawio

2007-12-30T01:01:00.000+08:00

anti-weibin software uploaded

2007-12-18T11:49:00.000+08:00

hello!
im back from india!
whoa.
its a very eye-opening experience indeed.
you'll never get to see any sight of those in spore.
not even in little india.
haha.

yeah. i went to the rural areas of india.
there's 4 main places that i travel to.
lumbini(nepal), where siddhartha(buddha) was born.
bodhgaya, where siddhartha got enlightenment and became buddha.
sarnath, where buddha preached his first sermon.
kushinager, where buddha attain nirvana(died).

on the way, we also visited places where buddha's stupa was built, the palace he used to live in, places where he used to stayed at for a period of time to preach.

sadly. all these that we visited are all excuvated by the archeologist.
and they're all destroyed by the muslims last time when india was once dominated by them.
so we only see small, destroyed parts that were dugged up,
so we have to use alot of our imagination.
went to their archeologist musuem too.
damn interesting. haha.

also, we went to the ganges river, varanasi.
wah.. this river ah. dirty seh.
haha. however, it is a very holy river to the hindu.
therefore, the hindus will bath, wash clothes, and even cremate dead bodies there.
all at the same ganges river, jus different parts of it.
as in they separate into different segment for different purpose.
but still. water flows, pple litter. and hence, very polluted.
hahaha. i saw men in their G-STRING. damn funny.
somemore the weather is so so cold in the morning.
wonder how this pple can tahan. hahahaha.
and they wash their clothes but smacking it against the rock.
the place where pple cremate bodies is more cool. haha.
they have 2 place for it. 1 for commoners, another one for the more special pple.
its jus one wide space, with piles and piles of black black things.... yeah.
and fire..
our guide says that their ashes will be freed into the river................
see? the river ah... not clean. hahahahahaha!
okay. hindu believe that if the askes is freed into the river, their soul will be freed. and thats the end of their suffering.

okay. i'll continue next time. haha.

2007-12-05T00:33:00.000+08:00

back from sarawak! its super fun.
and im missing all the peeps there.

going to india soon this coming thursday.
i dislike packing so much.
its such a chore.
im not really in the mood for india.
still haven recover from the sarawak spur.
hahaha.

now that there is a sarawak-aftermath spur,
i have to leave to india.
gonna miss all these man.
hahahahaha.
perhaps things would change after im back.
sian....

back to packing now.
again. :(

2007-11-25T01:59:00.000+08:00

RANDOM

hello.
haha. im finally back.
again.

had been going out recently.
idling around, wasting my time away as if i really have nth better to do.
although i know that this is the best time for revision.
but its such a turnoff.
textbooks are boring!
they make me sleepy.

going sarawak this coming tuesday!
i was excited for it initially.
but as the date gets nearer and nearer, i tend to feel sian.
with all the packings and stuff,
imagining the tiredness and how the environment such as toilets, lodges etc will be like makes me very more sian.
lol.
but i guess i'll still have fun.
self-entertainment is what im best at.

eh my friends.
sometimes when im pissed.
pls dun stupidly thinks that she'll get better very soon(although its true)
and can jus leave me alone to sulk there.
shld continue to irritate me and make me laugh.
okay maybe not too much of irritate.
but make me laugh works alot.
jus do stupid things.
i'll laugh.
at you.
lol.
okay?

and im always ps-ed by people these days.
i wonder is it karma.
cos i used to be so occupied by many stuff and always reject my friends call to go out and have fun.
now i seems to be the one asking pple out and get ps the very last moment.
and it happened quite afew times.
my cute little heart can be fragile at times u know.
HAHA.

i've made a very wise choice.
and seems like it works out pretty well.
although its always me and only me doing such stuff.
but whatever.
shouldnt be a problem.
im staying at a neutral stand.
haha. so protect myself at the same time.

happy birthday zy.

2007-10-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

i dislike.

sometimes i feel that my life's sad.
subconscientiously, i seems to not know who i am.
i mean.
its just like..
i have alot of friends. but i dont have friends.
just a very contradicting feelings.

i feel like a loner deep within.
i seems to be shutting myself up or shutting people off.

life is tough.
to handle it well is a form of art.
complex and complicated.
im not an artist.

to pause for a moment in life,
observing things that are happening around you.
you seems to be able to see things more thoroughly.
u may smile.
u may hesitate.
u may feel puzzled/confused
u may just back off
is it good or is it bad.
i dont know.

some human beings are like an untouched rotten apple.
u appear norm, pretty and nice.
but the hidden fact is.
you're rotten within.
yes.
im in the list.

i think im back to a state of confusion.
i'll go look for answers again.

meanwhile.
im gonna stay as a quiet girl.
and i shall ignore...

2007-10-16T17:44:00.000+08:00

HELLO HELLO.

after sooo lonng
so many things.
im finally blogging again.
just trying to be random.
since exams and over.
fahui is over too.
awaiting for the scary results whether to be promoted or retain.
:(

to my irritating friends who own private blogs.
dont be irritating.
dont wanna show me then dont tell me u have a private blog.
im a person filled with curiosity as well as kaypo-ness. :D
HAHA.

how funny.
is it funny?
yeah quite funny.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahaha.
wth.

had been eating potato chips.
i think im getting fatter.
AHA shit.

its a random and funny day.
bye.

2007-09-02T19:51:00.000+08:00

HERE GOES THE GRATITUDE.

i was looking through for this particular post i wrote during june last year.

and here is goes
feeling touched.
feeling happiness.
feeling excitements.
feeling eagerness.
feeling with hopes and tears.

whoosh!
im simply speechless.
all i can say is,
thank you!

thankyou for making me believe.
thankyou for making MY impossible a possible.
thankyou for answering my calls.
thankyou for changing my life for a better.
thankyou for accepting me.
thankyou for your compassion.
thankyou for your teachings.
thankyou for bringing me into where i am.
you simply make me feel.....
WHOA.
thankyou.

yes.
indeed im feeling exactly like that now.
EXACTLY.
i felt it.
im really grateful for it.
:)

and as i scroll down my june 2006's archieve, i saw this.

life has been so hectic.
not only me.
my dear nonsenseS and jenifer as well.
we were so busy preparing for campfire.
so glad jenifer is here this time.
miss chua kept emphasizing that the sec4s had step down and we're going back as volunteering now.
when the school only says cca STAND DOWN.
jenifer is so funny.
she says we alr stand up now. lol.
but ya. after enrolment, which is on the first week of july,
we'll step down automatically without her telling.
gosh.
time flies.
looking at the sec1s now preparing for the performance,
it reminds me of ONE LOVE
such a bad memory.
i was a very quiet pony-tailed girl then. HAHA.
i was just sec1 the.
following seniors aimlessly.
well i dunno why i didn't had the thought that guiding was boring.
i just follow.
people rarely notice me.

sec2.
i got to know mellissa and perlyn.
nura too.
and i soon got very close to mellissa.
had a wonderful times with mellissa.
it was the most emo memory i ever had.
we had lots of jokes, shoppings, neoprints, guides, detectives, and sorrows together.
we quarrel and had arguements(basically everytime we're together) HAHA.
mellissa changed my life drastically.
i became more talkative.
and i make ALOT of noise.
of cos, i had a better times in guides since i talk alot.
my sec2 life is basically about me and mellissa.
but as time comes along, we soon grew to have our own life.
quite sad thinking abt it now.

sec3!
the most horrible and terrible part of my life in guiding.
no. i should put it this way,
it is the START of all everything now.
thinking abt those times.....
tears would flow out automatically.
i was given my FIRST time to be incharge of something.
which is the thinking day banner competition 2005.
we did not win.
but i started to know about our internal structure.
den i was called to help with admin stuff.
all i know was to help ms queck sort her things properly.
get consent forms right.
no other intention.
i didn't even know what-so-ever CL thingy.
den comes A confronting me..
so many times.
claiming stuff.
siding B.
i've got no problem with B that time until A's confrontation.
no no. actually i just felt that B is lazy and irresponsible.
but it was merely just a thought.
i did not backstab or what.
MANY MANY things happen.
so many that i dont know myself.
until oneday a grp of pple told me when we were chatting.
it was very sad indeed.

when it comes to sec4.
i tot my life would be slightly better without those pple.
but waves and hiccups come one after another.
i wonder when will it stop.
perhaps soon.
very soon.
i always thought of doing my best.
give what i can.
do how much i can do.
just for the name of bwgg.
i didn't expect myself to receive comments like those.
it makes me feel as if im working for nuts.
i tried...
but....
fairytales have good endings.
why cant i have it too?

oh well.
that was basically some guides stuff in the past.
looking back through at these, it made me feel as if i went through alot.
haha what kind of life was that? i dont know.
all i know is they are parts and parcel of my memory.
the different stages of my life.
the joy.
the sorrow.
the stress-ness.
the bitter.
the sour.

i miss guides.

2007-08-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

I JUST LOVE THE BOY

just look at the series of photos taken.
he is so funny and adorable.
he loves taking picture.
and make weird faces.
haha! our family's gene.

href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_CvjUBHOQjyA/RrxhT_zXgfI/AAAAAAAAAMU/lmeB8CFwb9U/s1600-h/IMG_6572.JPG">

hahahaha.
seen the typical mother and son?
lol.
i love them!

2007-08-10T20:09:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 42TH BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

its so crazily crowded.
haha i dont like it.
there was a moment i felt like the land is going to collapse.
but luckily it didnt.
policemen are great.
cos they're so patience and good at controlling the disgusting crowd.

i love the dunno what model helicopter hovering just above the river.
its so cool!
i think im so influenced by eugenia lau.
she and her airplane models.
they're so magnificent.
im inspired!

the coconut tree is so extra.

hahahahahahahaha. i posted this before the fireworks look like they are in spiral movement!

doesnt this interest you?
handphones UP!
cameras UP!
lol.

she's eugenia lau!
haha. she and her runny nose.

ellis the botak
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.

my and my nostril.

see that joy! extra-ing behind. haha.

i saw mellissa! seah! not oh.
she's at startbucks studying and waiting for fireworks. haha.
anyway mel oh was with us too. although her photo was no shown.

ziwei and jenifer was suppose to meet us.
but everytime i call ziwei, she'll tell me that she's at city link.
so irritating.
there was once when i call, zw told me that they're at RIVER ISLAND.
"THERE'S OFFER! so we went in"
idiot. lol.
we're like sun tanning and they're doing shopping.
but by the time they reach, after squeezing through the crowd.
the entrance got blocked.
haha. so the 2 of them went to some other place themselves.
i met jenifer at dhoby ghuat station cos my sandwich is still with her.
it was a funny day.

and and.joy and mel oh went to toilet for soo long that they cant come back.
cos the entrances were blocked.
lol.
but they managed to come in cos the policemen let pple in batch by batch.

met zhiyuan too.
so sad that he's not in that green uniform.
but jus a red-t and jeans.
hahahaha.
oh well nvm.

i really want to know.

2007-08-10T20:01:00.000+08:00

my heart feels like bursting whenever i sense the presence.
is it true?
or is it not?
is it permanent?
or is it temporary?
i dont know.
i dont want my heart to burst.
cos that means im gonna die.
i dont want to die.

2007-08-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

I LOVE SRJC

i love mr tan, our principal.
i love SR's teachers.
they're wonderful.
i love my classmates.
everything is good!

thank-giving concert is all done up by our teachers.
their performances were awesome.

some photos...

econs department

mr tan's singing

the finale "if we hold on together"

last dance brought up by many teachers

haha miss tan can dance really well.
how i wish i can dance half as good as her.
half will do.
HAHA.
but i jus cant! lol.
this is funny.

1s10

yeapjun! he's funny.

MADE IN SINGAPORE

hahaha.

with the extra big mouth? haha. no lah she's not.
it's jus because she have more deep pores that us.
hahahaha. no link. nvm.

lihui!

shuqin, dilys me

dilys! i love her. and her chocolates!

dilys's friends. cherryl and valerie

this is funny.

dilys again.

illusion...

discere servire- to learn and to serve

ridz

me!

their back.

did u feel it?

2007-08-05T01:47:00.000+08:00

29 JULY 1990
the special day of mine. haha.
this year's birthday is probably one of the most significant one.
many many things happen.
before,during and after. my bday.
its funny.
haha.

i had a quiet yet sweet lil' birthday.
i love guides so much. cos they're jus so cute and so sweet.
thanks to JOY. famous 5 and more! haha.
i've received an ALBUM from them with all the bday wishes.
there's even one from miss chua! i almost cried when i read hers. haha. so surprised to see her name. :D
the best part is the CD they've recorded.
there's all my FAVOURITE songs except for the yuan de bu nana, all sang by them.
so cute right?
hahahahahaha.
im especially in love with the happy bday hip-hop version. its jus so funny i cant stop laughing.
and haniza's ultimate laughter makes me crazy too. lol.

oh. my bday cake! hahahaahaha.
the banana cake that tasted more like a flour-ie cake baked by joy during her homecons lesson.
joy told me that their initial plan is jus to have a picture of a cake in the TAU SAH PIA's box.
they're really candid man. haha.

went compasspoint with ellis haniza and joy that day for a mini-celebration.
we went to the children's corner there to make a picture using paint.
i dunno what people call that.but you see later when i show the photos. haha.
had so much fun doing it cos we were so random, playing ard with the paint and all. mixing colours randomly and ugly-ly. lol.
its $5 for a small one. so expensive.

there was a big misunderstanding on saturday.
shall not elaborate.
haha.
i still love u girls alot.
emo elmo eskimo!
:D

went out with yvonne on sunday when misunderstandings were cleared.
lol.
many funny things happen.
for example me walking into the males toilet in city link without even knowing that i've reached a toilet.
that was so exbarrassing and dumb.
that stupid yvonne knows that its a male toilet but she refused to tell me.
she wants to see me walking into it.
such an idiot.
hahahaha.

i've bought a necklace, a pair of shoe, mr tickle's tshirt.
i love mr tickle. lol.

yvonne is so nice. cos she's out just to accompany me.
went to j8 to meet ziwei,lihui and shiwei. dilys and joanna cant come.
yvonne was suppose to meet her bf jabian but due to some funny miscommunications, she followed me to j8 first.
thinking that jabian will reach soon anyway.
who knows? jabian cant find his way and took a super long...... time to find j8. lol.
so yvonne ended up with us while we were having our dinner.
at least she had her tiramisu that she has been craving since n years ago.
after dinner, we went to walk around... and jabian haven reach yet.
so funny. poor hungry yvonne continue walking with us.
haha. only till 8+, jabian finally reached. haha.
said byebye to yvonne after sending her to the taxi stand.

went back to find the girls.
and ended up chilling at coffee bean. haha.
our craps are still never ending.
its damn funny.
oh and we came out with the design for mr goh's classroom.
but i haven draw it out yet. :X
lol.

im so tired alr. whole body's aching. haha.
pictures at the back!
good night.

the flour-ie birthday cake in the tau sar pia's box.

midst of our production

TADAA... our creature with our names on it. :D

how do you feel?
i wanna know.

2007-08-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

forget about all the sad posts okay?
i hope u guys will understand by now.
thanks for those who encourages me. its really nice.
im starting anew!

i was browsing through some photos and i realise i haven post anything about the national track & field for the disabled.
we went as a class to volunteer for this event.
haha. went to help out at the shortput station. kind of tiring.
anyway, some photos there to laugh at.
:D

1s09!

random

the bobbies. haha.

haha sharon's so funny.

haseenah look so candid here. oops sorry miss rivera. lol.

its actually about yvonne. not me. HAHAHAHAHA.

i guess im the only one posing. lol.

new siqianjin? NO NO.

OOO.. Just us.

officially introducing the 2 funny girls, haseenah(right) and yvonne(left)

i look spastic. haha.

im the sun. she's the flower. crazy?

haseenah's trying to act cute. her defination of cute is to close her eyes.

the weather's bad... we need more portable fans around.lol.
oh no. pls do not misunderstand. the direction of wind is toward me. haha. i put the battery wrongly thats why its blowing the opposite direction.

they're irri+tating=irritating

SOMETHING AMAZING.
THEY'RE USING THREAD TO PLUCK THEIR EYEBROWS.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SEE SUCH THINGS.
hey im not a mountain tortoise

funny eh? lol.

there's a hole infront.
its getting bigger.
but im not falling into it.
am i?

2007-07-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

i am a fucking emo kid.

2007-07-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

im grumpy.
very grumpy now.
so grumpy that i feel like screaming at whoever that comes to talk to me.
arg.

I WANNA EAT.
IM SO SO SO SO SO FREAKING HUNGRY.
MY STOMACH AND INTESTINES ARE IN THE MIDST OF UNDERGOING DIGESTION NOW.
AS IN NOT THE FOOD BEING DIGESTED, BUT MY STOMACH.
ARG.
FREAK.
I WANT FOOD!!!!!!!!!

i came home super looking forward to eating my mummy's cooked food.
i have been imagining how fulfilling it is after the food.
yes i am THAT hungry.
i saw a woman eating in the kitchen.
so i waited to in the living room for her to finish her food before i go in.
and freak it.
no more.
im so super more than disappointed.
no mummy's food nvm.
next alternative?
MAGGI MEE.
freak again.
my brother ate it all away.
still cant find food.
and i became grumpier.
now. im refusing to eat the PLAIN RICE.
yeah i know.
im such a grumpy spoilt brat.
so?
i cant care much. all i wan is some decent food infront of me.
hurrrrrrr..............
I WANT FOOD.
I WANT FOOD.
I WANT FOOD!

and.
i am so waiting for u.
but i guess im gonna be disappointed.
oh well.

i feel ditched more than i ditch pple.

2007-07-28T10:27:00.000+08:00

hello friends.
this post is going out to yvonne, haseenah and tricia.

first. of course, im here to apologise for my whatever attitude that has been going on these days. im sorry. i just cannot control my feelings.

den again. to tricia, do not feel affected or what by my stupid attitudes. dont worry, i really have nothing against you. really..... i know many things have changed over these days. and its all my fault for spurring all these up. u'll have my double apologies. i have been thinking for days. but i still have not found an answer. maybe its because i dont want to face it subconsciously, like what my xiaogu have said. so probably we will all not have any conclusion. but whatever the days are going to be like. just live it all well and ignore what i will do. cos i cant predict what nonsense im going to have again. good luck and all the best to you.

oh well. next is for this 2 funny girls. u wanna know the reason why? i dont know how im going to put this into words. but i'll try to describe as much as i can here cos it is impossible to tell u guys face to face given your character. haha.

okay here it goes. i'll start randomly cos i dunno how to start. :D
i guess all these matter accumulated overtime and im thick and stretchable balloon just cannot take it anymore. this is probably my first serious breakdown. its NOT peishan.

oh haha. suddenly i feel like summerising things up after another phone call with rand rand and his mum. rand is SO cute! and so sweet.

my summary,
i just couldnt find myself. i seems to not know who am i anymore. i am still sourcing for it. meanwhile im always in deep thoughts that nvr fails to bring me to a negative mindset. yeah. i can tear almost anytime anywhere when im at my lowest. but dont worry. cos i still can control abit here and there.

i will be better. :D

*twist*

2007-07-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

I LOVE GUIDES.
i mean the girls. SOME.
:D

2007-07-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

im sad.
im depress.
im sick.
i need to see a psychologist.

2007-06-28T12:22:00.000+08:00

tmr's last paper. econs.
haha. so bored.
feel like sleeping now.

im glad that i persevered.
cos for every paper i always have thoughts of giving. up .
its so tiring.
trying to read and get everything into my cute little brain.
i dont do memorising anymore.
while studying for bio,
i read and try to understand.
but before the exam, i was asking myself,
so how much do i really understand?
hahahaha!
i dont know!
i jus read.
and read.
and read.
and still....
read.

but luckily the exams so far has been doable.
lol. im laughing at the "do-able"
okay.

yes i always feel stupid after an exam.
and there's no exception this time round.
how sad. hahaha. nvm.

and while i was walking home jus know,
i've figured out another anology.
its something that has gotta do with understanding rather than memorising.
which is more effective?
and then...
i actually linked this to the different ways people cultivate a wholesome self.
wow!
chim leh... i feel a little enlightened now.
HAHAHAHAHAA.
now that i say this, im not anymore.... lol.

im looking forward for tmr.
*grin*
and st gab's campfire.
haha. hmmm. what shld i wear? guides tshirt? like so weird. :(

some random photos yeah?

HAHAHAHAHA. IM LAUGHING AT HASEENAH.u look like u haven slept for ten thousand year. you're TTY no.2!! haha! dilys's gonne laugh if she sees this. TTY 2!

you said you look like a toad. yeah. LOL.

eating ICE!

i wonder who took this picture. i cant rmb posing for this.

dilys!

im doing my work and they come asking me to take picture. i refuse to.

2nd snap. i still refuse to raise my head up.

and finally.... SMILE.

1S09 WITH MR ANG

the focas here is not the guys. look at the background. hunt for a funny ugly monster.... yes correct. u're right. its haseenah!! HAHAHAHAHAHA. u can click to have a bigger view so that u can see haseenah's funny face.

yawn.. im sleepy. i'll sleep first before i touch econs. :)

2007-06-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

POEM: CALL ME BY MY TRUE NAME

The last time you ordered me for dinner,
you forgot my true name.

I am not some wonton.
Please call me by my true name -
I am "Pig".
I wish you saw how lovable I was.
You might have given me a personal name too.
Please remember I was killed unhappily,
even as you eat me happily.
For I loved my life, just as you love yours.

I am not some nugget.
Please call me by my true name -
I am "Chicken".
I wish you saw how lovable I was.
You might have given me a personal name too.
Please remember I was killed unhappily,
even as you eat me happily.
For I loved my life, just as you love yours.

I am not some burger.
Please call me by my true name -
I am "Cow".
I wish you saw how lovable I was.
You might have given me a personal name too.
Please remember I was killed unhappily,
even as you eat me happily.
For I loved my life, just as you love yours.

I am not some fillet.
Please call me by my true name -
I am "Fish".
I wish you saw how lovable I was.
You might have given me a personal name too.
Please remember I was killed unhappily,
even as you eat me happily.
For I loved my life, just as you love yours.

I am not some foie gras.
Please call me by my true name -
I am "Goose".
I wish you saw how lovable I was.
You might have given me a personal name too.
Please remember I was killed unhappily,
even as you eat me happily.
For I loved my life, just as you love yours.

Before you order me for dinner next time,
please remember my true name.

2007-06-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

oh gosh.
im down with a fever.
my head hurts.
and i've no energy to do anything.
:(
haven been touching my books.
19 june's coming.
and i haven study bio yet.
mrs chen will so gonna be disappointed if i go to her without anything in my brain.
:(
my sister found 2 strands of white hair from my head.
she plucked 1 out and left the other there.
its not fully white.
only the centre area.
but still, it fills up 80% of that strand of hair.
:(
oh such a sad post.
sadly my friend wouldnt be reading this.
if not, my friend would probably come and comfort me.
haha.
:(

2007-06-17T10:40:00.001+08:00

WOW. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i link this test from dilys and my IQ is the same as hers! lol. while doing this test im still thinking that my result sure super low. HAHA. but hey! im a regional genius. :D

2007-06-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

GUIDES CAMPFIRE PREPARATION

had been having fun this few days in bowen though everyday's a busy day. yes yes. i study till late at night, wake up early the next morning to go bowen. it has been so long ever since the girl guides feeling was around. even now, at times i didnt know what to do and dont dare to do certain stuff. haha. how funny yeah? shy lah.. HAHA.

i'm desperately wanting to get tanned! yes i manage to get tan. but its only a LITTLE. so sad can. ellis and joy were so burnt. i dont understand why? we're all under the same sun. :( but nvm.i'll have 2 more days for me to tan myself. hoho.

michelle is really crazily doing funny stuff and laughing at pple with me. SELF-CONTROL! PRIN-GEL! HAHAHAHAHA. MAD. oh and playing self-invented seesaw with spars.

joy is madly hitting people really hard and making her EYE CONTACT that ellis can never understand. lol. she caned me today on my upper thigh! stupid joy. super pain lah. it has been so long since i got caned from my parents den now u come and cane me. haha.

ellis is funnily getting stresser and stresser each day. moods are flying everywhere. and always being bullied by joy. LOL.

haniza? her laughter's like witch! lol. she can get so high and laugh and laugh and sing and sing.

hand out with us more often and i guess januavi will soon be like us. *GRIN*

bowen guides really have many funny people around. all kinds of pattern. but a common goal. :) (for now, it'll be the campfire)

im pretty impressed by the sec 1s. haha. yup, they're different from us when i was in sec 1. they're not shy and at least they can do things that are assigned to them. thats good k. haha. their performance's funny cos the steps are like almost repeating. even i can do it. me you know? the dancing idiot.

sec 2 and 3 haven changed..... :( okay maybe some. but still.............. *shake head* nvm, they'll be better someday. at least within them there are still some potential ones. haha. oh and i jus realise today that the 2 sec 2 indian twins grew alot after not seeing them for 1/2 a year. they look so matured. i rmb they use to be so tiny and cute last time. i cant even recognise them today when i see devi wrapping the alphabets. haha. they grew so much taller and their face became sharper. my gosh. haha. i sounded like im so old and everything had changed. HAHA. its jus 1/2 a year. but i cant wait to see michelle and joy 2 yrs later when they're in sec 4. HAHA.

here are some photos of the buiding of gateway and the fun we had. lol.

look! joy's slacking again!

michelle was like ''hey quick! pose!'' haha!

saw the golf girl? the one with that green cap. lol.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. WHAT AN EXPRESSION. thats januavi.

actually i wasnt the tying it. jus posing. LOL. it was joy who was RE-tying the knot that i tied.

the back.

the front.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. JOY LOOK SO CANDID. she'll probably kill me if she sees this. LOL. TOO BAD!

im getting over u. yes i need to.

this is her da jie videos to watch during her lunch break at office =)

2007-06-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

this is her da jie videos to watch during her lunch break at office =)

2007-05-01T12:33:00.000+08:00

BACK!
hahaha. im finally back after leaving this blog to rot for soo many months. i realise that i stop at my taiwan post. but too bad i cant continue. all my photos in soft copies are GONE! oh. its because the computer spoil and before my sister can save a backup copy of everything that is in te computer, everything's gone. lol.

okay. let me start from my school. srjc''s alright. i have nice friends and i love them. haha i mean from the way the speak, the way they do things. and the way they understand things. its cool. and its not easy to find such youngster aaymore :)

actually my main purpose here is to jot down the kl trip i had 2 days ago. haha! i love going for fahui. its like a break for me. cos i find peace there. i can let go of all my stuff when im there. i feel happy. ths time round like usual, i've learn quite somethings. from the stories that dangjia shifu had said. can i not elaborate? okay i shall not elaborate. lol.

hey guess what? this year's taiwan trip schedule trip is out again! 23nov - 4dec. I WANNA GO! i shall try my best and do all sorts of thing that i can. whee~

some photos of the kl trip...

huizhen and me! haha we took this on the way there.

such a candid shot. haha. i jus snap and go. lol.

HAHA. whats that for?

2007-04-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

A: likes to flirt.
B: likes to talk.
C: really likes to chill.
D: has one of the best personalities ever.
E: good kisser.
F: people adore you.
G: never lets people tell you what to do.
H: has a very good personality and looks.
I: is always there for friends.
J: lives life for fun.
K: really silly.
L: loved by everyone.
M: makes dating fun.
N: dead sexy.
O: best in relationships.
P: popular with all types of people.
Q: hypocrite.
R: freaking crazy.
S: easy to fall in love with.
T: a sweetheart.
U: really wild and crazy.
V: not judgmental.
W: very broad-minded.
X: never let people tell you what to do.
Y: one of the best bf/gf anyone could ask for.
Z: always ready.

E: good kisser.
U: really wild and crazy.
G: never lets people tell you what to do.
E: good kisser.
N: dead sexy.
I: is always there for friends.
A: likes to flirt.

HAHA. from dilys's blog.

2007-04-23T22:29:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!!!

whoa! im reviving this rusty old blog. FINALLY. haha. anyway, jus a short onee cos i thought this was interesting. lol. i didnt belive at first. still find it dumb to draw draw draw. lol. so this is how the house i drew look like.

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people. You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

HAHA. hey! do i like commanding influencing and controling pple? i cant really be bothered abt pple know.. lol. it makes me laugh.

here's the link www.drawahouse.com

oh... i love my house~~

2006-12-09T17:45:00.000+08:00

TAIWAN 2006
- HUA LIAN 'XIANG DE SI' (part 1)

the temple is call xiang de si and it is at hua lian. up a mountain where we have to climb up ourselves after a dist of bus journey. it is a very nice place. nice scenery. cooling. quiet.

first day up there was rather horrible. haha as in i wasn't used to the food there. there's this plant they say its bamboo? ya. it has this horrible smell which makes me giddy and wanna vomit. the first meal there i was wondering how come everyone's bowl have this smell. i was so scared. lol. and because it is not nice to say that the food smells disgusting, i didnt know what to do so i jus ate it. swollow it with as much rice and other vege. whoa. haha. when it comes to dinner i cannot take it anymore. at that point of time i still dunno what's wrong. i tot i was sick. and im like 'shit. first day up here and sick?' i only drank the soup for dinner cos i was giddy and felt like vomiting. haha soon.. dunno how soon. but soon. one of the shijie told me abt this food and enlightened me. hahaa. after that all the shijie there know i cant take the food. so everytime they come across it, they'll warn me. because i can only smell it but cannot specify which dish is it. now im really sensitive to the smell. u guys shld try it. lol.

PU DU QIAO. this bridge has a of story behind it. which is rather meaningful. and to whoever that know abt it, we're always very excited to see and walk over this bridge.

on the bridge

SAN MEN. it says 'xiang de si' in the centre. 'jie tuo men' on the left. and 'bu er men' on the right.

there is actually a river flowing below the bridge. very beautiful place.
the pagoda. dizang pusat is inside. :)
bai yi da shi
XIANG DE SI
36 feet tall dizang pusat. i finally got there and see it myself.

night view of dizang pusat. it feels really different looking at dizang pusat very late at night. i took this at around 8pm. when i look at dizang pusat at 11pm, it looks different. i mean ya. the feeling changes. it FEELS different. it is as if i can feel his hard work. his vow. his
compassion. it feels like he is the one we can lean on in times of troubles. and it feels like he is always around anytime anywhere even though we cant see him. there's more to it. but cant be describe. it can only be felt....

2006-12-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

TAIWAN 2006
- TAIPEI TO HUA LIAN

taiwan's transport system is great. i mean it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. their public bus is better and more comfortable than our SBS. this was my first time taking long distance train. 2 to 3 hr i think? haha actually pple say 4 hr plus. but it seems shorter. i didn't take note of the time there because i dun have a watch and i off my hp. so yeah. i dunno how long it took to go there. but the return journey back to taipei seems shorter.

their underground station. taipei. i think taipei station is the only underground station. their main station is taipei station. the biggest and busiest.

in the train

one of the tunnel up the mountain

we're actually travelling to hua lian's 'xiang de si'. its up a mountain. dunno whats the name of the mountain.

2006-12-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

TAIWAN 2006
- ARRIVAL

whoops.. it has been a fantastic trip there. no regrets. so many things to say but difficult to put it in words. shall post photos and comment abt them.
but i dun think i'll post all at once cos there's simply too much. slowly slowly k. haha.

heh. my identity card. not very useful actually.

taiwan's airport, the baggage belt.

our luggages

what do u call this place? the chop stamp one.. haha. check in point?

2006-12-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

prom '06

ok its rather late to blog abt the prom night. haha but nvm, just wanna post some photos only. no much comment about it. :)

HAHA. i jus thought that dilys looks funny here.

2006-11-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

just before i go to bed......

I WANNA STAY LONGER IN TAIWAN!
JUST BY LOOKING THROUGH THEIR PROGRAMMES FOR THE WHOLE DEC. HUR....................
i want
i want
i want
11 days is still too short.

LONGER PLS!!!

2006-11-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

my days......

oops. haven been blogging since o level started. the truth is my com had crashed. haha. im back! oh but im leaving soon too.

so O'level had finally ended last thursday. a tiring month for all of us. missing out so many things that was happening then. o level was fine........ err. ya i hope. haha. i mean i feel that i alr put in my best for this so just wait for the results. whether its good or bad. it is still like that. i dont know what to say abt it. but i told my mum that on the result day. if i never call home, den dun call me. i'll go home safely. HAHA. i was just joking to her. i thought it was funny though.

this coming thursday is your prom night. everybody's so busy getting themselves pretty on this day. buying dresses this and that. as for me, im borrowing a dress from my cousin. just a casual dress not those prom dresses. oh come on. it is just at grassroot club. lol. anyway i wun spend money on something that i'll only wear once. waste money only. haha. oh highlighting on the HEELS that my cousin lend me. O.M.G. its high. the heels are thin and long. i can nvr wear it pls. i'll just fall anytime. ahaha. so i'll exchange with joanna. can u imagine someone tripping during her prom because her heels are too high? gosh.

ziwei and dilys both dyed their hair. they highlighted it. i saw ziwei's. so pretty can. haha. haven seen dilys's hair although i saw her this morning. i didn't notice and she didn't tell me. so? aiya. ZIWEI IS SO PRETTY. everybody pls go and hide her somewhere out of our sight. HAHA. nah im jus joking.

right! her comes the REAL thing. IM FLYING OFF TO TAIWAN THIS FRIDAY!!!!! whee~~ only if i can just stay there forever. i find my everything there. and only when im there, i feel free without any other burdens. who doesn't wanna stay at such a place for long? oh..... shifu here i come. lol. finally i can see enshi. it has been 2 yrs since i last saw her face to face. but i see her in my dream once in a while. HAHA. at least i gotta dream abt her. haha. funnily, everytime i dream abt someone or something, i'll just miss that person or thing alot after i woke up from that dream. do everyone have the same feeling too?

but i really cant stand packing my luggage. i dun like packing stuff. so troublesome. dunno what to bring. scare bring too much. but if bring too little den scare not enough. so irritating right. haha. yupp im done with my packing. but i feel that my luggage is BIG. and im bringing dunno too much things or not. shifu ask my not to bring too much things. =( HOW? big headache. guess what? i have to wash my own clothing there. yea? i can do it man. no problem.

huiru shifu called me just now from taiwan. she say singaporeans who are going taiwan must perform for one of the dinner there. so we were asked to find a song. SONG? how to find i dunno. i mean i dun listen to music. only when pple around me listen den i'll hear some. u see, the song have to be nice? eh i dun wan it to be in chinese since we're in taiwan. and NO CHINESE POP since we're performing at taiwan too. LOL. it'll be so embarrassing. the lyrics have to be healthy. so actually first thing that come to my mind was all our national day songs. appropriate right? but actually quite disgusting. hais. its disgusting performing some national day theme song. GOSH. i even suggested the indian national day song. ''vun neku vali''
HAHAHAHAHAHA. so funny i can die laughing. but it would be nice to perform something that pple doesn't understand. maybe i can start searching at some bollywoods album. haha ya right...

ok i must go to bed now. so sleepy alr. good night.

2006-10-07T14:37:00.000+08:00

=(

oh so today is saturday again. one week jus passed. time flies like nobody's business gosh. so shifu are all off to jb last night for tmr's ba guan zai. sadly i wun be going. =(

aww. i'll jus miss all of them. like totally. gonna be a yr's time before singapore have fahui. it is ONE year. of 365 days. 8760hrs. 525600 mins. 31536000 seconds. boohoohoo.

for this year's fahui. i got to learn alot of things. heard alot of nice and meaningful stories. got more knowledges. know more pple. quite a fruitful one yeah. that is the reason why i am so gonna miss this. u'll jus feel totally relax there. everybody are so nice. it would be REALLY RARE to see pple doing nasty stuff. even if so that person would be reminded by whoever that is there and he/she would repent without grumbling. everybody jus live so harmoniously there.
people note their speeches and behaviours. smiley faces everywhere. aww.............

well now that i HAVE TO motivate myself to study after fahui. i am 1 week behind my study peers. i'll have to work extra hard. after going though this terrible 1 mths of mugging there i go. FREE. and 1 week after o level i'll be flying over to taiwan. cant wait to go there after so many many many years. ever since i was in primary sch, i've been waiting to go. now that my chance is here. heehee.

one important lesson learn from dangjia shifu. as she had said ''life is just like a piece of mirror''so does our emotions. we'll have have to face whatever obstacles we have. we have to face reality whether it is happy or sad. just like a piece of mirror. when u look at it, it is you, your face. when u blink, the image on the mirror blink as well. when i walk away from the mirror, there would not be anymore of your image on the mirror. when bringing this sinple theory back to life, it is as simple as saying we'll all get over with everything and anything whether it is happy or sad. we cant say that ''oh im so happy now. this happy moment would pause here, life dun go on and i'll stay happy here and forever''. the same goes to facing something that hurts. we get over it and continue with life. dun be bothered by it. treat is like a mirror. when sad things come, be mindful of your emotion. and let it leave just like the mirror reflection leaving no scar. it is nothing, simply a reflected image.

now that i have to come back to reality of this gruesome world. i've got to get back to my textbooks and get my brain working for something that is not so significant in my life. =(
ya mirror mirror. i hope it would be easier to be done like how i've just said it. i just gotta work extra hard to cultivate myself. haha.

every lesson learnt acts as a form of reminder....

2006-09-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

THEY'RE HERE.

oh shifuS are finally here after 1 whole year. they're simply......... er.. nice. haha. but sadly huixian shifu didn't come. aww...

oh ytd when we were at the airport i was walking BESIDE dangjia shifu. LOL. because i was walking very slowly behind and shifu was the last too. so as i was walking..... i realised that dangjia shifu is beside me. HOHO. and from coincidentally, i purposely walk nearer up. hee!! so i giggled at xinyan with those ''hey im walking beside her'' that kind of face and smiles. haha!
out of no where, shifu suddely turn to me SMILING and say ''wah u and her(refering to xinyan) has alot to talk abt huh.'' i didnt know what to say so i just smile and laugh it off.

HEY DANGJIA SHIFU TALKED TO ME OK. HAHAHA. nvr had before.

today was graduation ceremony. 4e2 was funny and trying to be extra. yet supportive as we all clap for all our classmates unless other classes. ya i improved for my prelims but it is still not good i know. i'll work hard. yes i know. haha.

after grad ceremony, i rushed off to chinatown's kreta ayer community centre. its a theatre anyway. for rehearsal. huiguang shifu is so nice. she's always reminding us to SMILE. and she talks so... how shld i say? soft and elegently? very ''rou''. yeah? haha. actually all shifu talks like that. and me and huize shifu kept smiling at each other. dunno why too. probably they(huize sf and huixi sf) were all wondering what is a student doing here AT FIRST. as they gave me this curious look. lol.

tmr shall be a long day again. but love this longgg day.

RMB!? DANGJIA SHIFU TALKED TO ME OK. HAHAHA!!

2006-09-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

o' level!

oh well. 1 week after the prelim. and was even more motivated to study now. i dun get it. it always seems like we can do a maths very well in class. but when it comes to exam. nah. i got merely a border line b4 though i expected an A1. lol. but it doesn't matter now. me and ziwei had plan an amaths policy towards the big Os. that is to sit down together every friday after school and do the 5 years series. we're serious ok. thats why we came out with a punishment for those who gave up halfway during the paper. haha. offenders got to give $2 to each other. haha! what a great plan huh. that is how we're working towards and A1 man. all the way~ yeah! lol.

den comes all the sciences. heehee. finally i've made some little improvement rather than either failing or getting a C5/6. arg but cant stand it lah. this is how impt 1 mark can comes in for me. i need 1 more mark for physics to get an b3 and 1 more for biology to get a2!! damn it. what does this means? 2 marks for me to 2 grade?? AH!

nevermind. i shall work harder and hope and i'll have that luck and energy and brain to do even better for o level. hahaha. seriously i think we need some luck during examinations. if not you'll all end up like me getting a stupid 22/40 for chem p3, the practical paper. i was just totally out of luck.

aww. i just hope i'll pass english and combine humanities. pass would do. though i dun mind getting better results. lol. just let me pass. monday shall be the big day.

aiya........ next friday 29 sep is he graduation ceremony. WHY MUST IT BE NEXT FRIDAY? i've got something so so important on that day. i gotta go to chinatown u know. haiya....... but i cannot dun go for the ceremony. lol mr goh say if nvr go den as if nvr graduate. AIYA!! lousy sch with lousy timing. haha.
ya our sch is lousy. because we have lousy vulgar teachers who keep scolding and telling us to SHUT UP. calling us STUPID and FOOLS. tsk tsk tsk. how can we ever get motivated to do better when we have such teachers who always downgrade us making us feel that we're stupid fools who cannot make it in life? what? by whistling during reading period is called a stupid fool? by screaming when a huge bee come towards u because you're scared of it is called stupid fools too? and having a little commotion because of the FAST SPEEDING flying bee, deserved to be yelled at with the special word called SHUT UP and being punished by retaining the whole sch after reading period? such a lousy and brainless sch. with brainless teacher who does not have the brain to think. for such, he did not even witness the whole process. merely just walking to us, scolded and punished us as if he knew what happen and walked away. goodness.

its FIVE more days to go. WOOHOO!!!!! (oh btw. huixin shifu came to singapore today alr)
lol this is so happening. to my frens out there who are interested to see huixian shifu. come come and see who she just is. HAHAHA.

and there goes me again......... lol.

2006-09-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

omg!

TEN more days left my friends. haha. i've been waiting for this since last year's oct. i cant wait for prelim to end because once prelim ends, it means shifus are coming. and now. prelim has ended! woo.
kinda excited. or rather VERY excited. hee. i jus cant stop smiling whenever i think about it.

so. for this year's fa-hui, it would be venerable jueguang leading. they would be arriving on the 28th sep, 6.45pm. hey! this time round they're taking SQ. cos normally its always china airline. so cool. haha!
there'll be another round of volunteer's meeting after the airport. haha. yaya. im performing again. but i dun really mind preforming. im ok with anything.
but this reminds me of some of my little thoughts and discussion i had with my friend when i was young. i used to see the adults performing upstage and i was thinking if one day i would be like them. would i have the courage to do so? so what my friend, peijun, told me was, if one really feel grateful and repentful for all one did. he/ she would. just to play a part in order to make this whole event a success.
i felt what she said. i knowledged it. and who knows someday i would really be standing up there, doing my part.
so here i go. my second year of this performance. i would say that it is a chance for me. thankyou for that chance.
but in addition, im gonna do another performance. putting aside the singing. it is gonna be like some graceful dance or something?? ya. HUGE hurdle huh. well. i shld be able to make it. (ignore those farewell dances i've done yeah?) LOL.
so all these require some rehearsals. omg. so nervous.
actually the reason why i've decided to do something in addition is becos i feel like doing something more meaningful thus achieving something when im 16. i feel like not doing anything much during this wonderful year of 16. so i shall add in some fun and excitement into it. so that it would be easier for me to recall when i do what. lol.

shifu would be coming for 1 week +. err. they would be spending 2 days in JB. so during these 2 days. i would have to catch up with my revisions. *YAWN*

den again i'll see them in taiwan at the end of the year after o'level. WHOO!! LOL. =D

heehee. now im thinking of huixian shifu. lol. let me hope that i'll see her next thurdays at the airport. *GRINNING VERY WIDELY*

these would den be my happiest moment for this year's 2006...and for this, which had just replaced my priority-used-to-be.

2006-09-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

BECAUSE

because im occupied
because im busy
because im stress
because im disappointed
because im sad

because i feel not worthy
because i feel like nobody
because i feel dumb
because i feel stupid
because i feel like i had wasted my time
because i feel that i had made the wrong choice.
because i feel that its not fair

but again.

because i shouldn't put ''i'', myself, as a priority
because i should forget
because i should concentrated on the big O's
because i should to move on
and because i am not angry.

2006-08-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

HEY!

im back. after so long. but i bet the next time i blog would perhaps be a mth later or so? haha. oh i went to watch LAKE HSE and FIREWORKS with our fellow GUIDES. how fun. only so, i realise that PRELIMS ARE COMING! damn it. what revision have i gone into? shit. but nvm. i shall start now. i HOPE. im very motivated to study actually. but im jus too tired so i always take a nap. but my nap tend to end up to be a very long slp. i cant help it.

actually i got alot of things to say. but i jus couldn't think now. cos there are too much and i seems to be wasting my time here. HAHA. see ya.

2006-07-09T01:37:00.000+08:00

funny

sometimes things just goes very funnily. when i want it, it doesn't comes. and when i start to stop it, it just comes very naturally. why? i am so not gonna fall into any of such trap again. if not it'll be really very bad. im gonna refrain from now onwards. not going anymore further. just to stop all these stupid thoughts as early as possible to protect myself.

one more thing. pple always do things that they know is not right. but they just 'cant help it'. and gradually this becomes a habit. sometimes they even feel that its funny(literally a joke) to do so. soon, it became their personality, their character, or even a TRADEMARK of themselves. so for pple out there reading this, what about thinking twice abt what is wrong and u need to improve on? put yourself in other ppls's shoe and try to really really feel for pple not as fortunate as u.

2006-06-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

NO IM NOT

no im not
no im not
no im not
no im not

im scared.

2006-06-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

O'LEVEL MT ORAL TMR!

where is my chinese teacher?? probably studying too. but hey! im nervous because of oral for the first time. cos i dun feel prepared when other classes are preparing. esp Dave Ng's class. he gave his students so many extra lesson and he doesn't wanna accept us who doesn't have proper lesson. so mean.

what am i going to talk about? IR? blog? tsunami? bird flu? oh man. pls dun ask me anything abt political stuff. and i dun watch the news. gosh. seems like i have to watch news everyday alr. reading newspapers are boring too. hurr......... im having such a sad life. oh! maybe they'll ask about world cup? huh? but i dun watch world cup too. this is really sad.

miss chua says she's gonna have a review of the campfire with us tmr. i've been waiting for this. haha! and i need to get at least 5 senior citizens for the walkathon this sunday to get bonus points for PNA! but if i ask my aunty to help, i gotta take care of them. how am i gotta take care of senior citizens when i dun know them. gosh. i shall see whats gonna happen. haha.

have been having syf training too. leave class in the middle of the lesson is so fun. always countdowning the time. lol. now im so tanned. and i like it. cos i wouldn't have this chance anymore. wah... the weather was so hot that the rubber trackfield of the national stadium melted. a portion of it even become like rubber pool. HAHA. and the rubber got stuck on my boots becos i stand on one leg when resting. seen alot of rubber sink in and pop out. so funny. and its smelly too cos of the rubber melting smell.

and they keep feeding us. oh the vegetarian's ''burger'' is nice. they said my ''nugget'' taste better than theirs. HAHA. we have burgur and a bottle of mineral water for lunch. den comes another bottle of mineral water and a packet of oreo during the break. we had another bottle of mineral water and either oreo or some nestle cereal during the 2nd break. the before we went off, we had milo and the rest of the oreo. ISN'T THIS MAD? they're feeding us like......
i like miss alsagoff. she's nice. though she always scream at us.
had dinner with our YA, xiao si. LOL. she's nice too. a malay with taiwanist's blood. she and her NCDCC.

btw, this saturday is SYF opening ceremony alr! finally. but sad. end of syf also means im stepping down soon. not involve in any guides stuff too. boohoo. would miss those times we had together.

2006-06-19T20:32:00.000+08:00

taiwan taiwan taiwan!
awaiting to go.....

feeling touched.
feeling happiness.
feeling excitements.
feeling eagerness.
feeling with hopes and tears.

whoosh!
im simply speechless.
all i can say is,
thank you!

thankyou for making me believe.
thankyou for make MY impossible a possible.
thankyou for answering my calls.
thankyou for changing my life for a better.
thankyou for accepting me.
thankyou for your compassion.
thankyou for your teachings.
thankyou for bringing me into where i am.
you simply make me feel.....
WHOA.
thankyou.

2006-06-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

goodness me.
i've got no more maths formula in my head.
i cant even do simple e maths questions.
i cant rmb the exact formula and such.
if u ask me knots and lashings...
i can explain and tell u everything properly and nicely.
GOSH!!

if u ask me so how do u do your gateway?
how do guides do so many banners?
how did we overcome so much things?
what do u do for a campfire?
how do u manage this event?
wah. i can only answer all these questions only.

i think i must change back the mode in my brain ASAP!
hur!

2006-06-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

''The obstacle is the path.''

Obstacles do not obstruct the path.
To cross them is to advance on the path.

-TheDailyEnlightenment.com Weekly 16.06.06

2006-06-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

oh god.
campfire is coming.
it is just this COMING FRIDAY!!
haha.
we're going to do a very good job.
yeah!!
everything is alright, just that........
alright. it shant be exposed too much.
HAHA.
special thanks to my dear fren
DILYS!
if not for her, our gateway would not be done within such short time.
haha.

i feel that im in deep shit cos all my holidays assignments are not done at all.
HURHURR...................................................................

2006-06-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

this is mad
this is crazy
this is life

2006-06-01T22:06:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA.
but dun worry.
i shall still put in my best for the campfire.
i suppose it should be ''WE''
since this campfire is the last thing that i'll be doing for bowen guides...
IM SURE WE CAN DO IT!
YEAH!

2006-06-01T20:40:00.000+08:00

life has been so hectic.
not only me.
my dear nonsenseS and jenifer as well.
we were so busy preparing for campfire.
so glad jenifer is here this time.
miss chua kept emphasizing that the sec4s had step down and we're going back as volunteering now.
when the school only says cca STAND DOWN.
jenifer is so funny.
she says we alr stand up now. lol.
but ya. after enrolment, which is on the first week of july,
we'll step down automatically without her telling.
gosh.
time flies.
looking at the sec1s now preparing for the performance,
it reminds me of ONE LOVE
such a bad memory.
i was a very quiet pony-tailed girl then. HAHA.
i was just sec1 the.
following seniors aimlessly.
well i dunno why i didn't had the thought that guiding was boring.
i just follow.
people rarely notice me.

sec2.
i got to know mellissa and perlyn.
nura too.
and i soon got very close to mellissa.
had a wonderful times with mellissa.
it was the most emo memory i ever had.
we had lots of jokes, shoppings, neoprints, guides, detectives, and sorrows together.
we quarrel and had arguements(basically everytime we're together) HAHA.
mellissa changed my life drastically.
i became more talkative.
and i make ALOT of noise.
of cos, i had a better times in guides since i talk alot.
my sec2 life is basically about me and mellissa.
but as time comes along, we soon grew to have our own life.
quite sad thinking abt it now.

sec3!
the most horrible and terrible part of my life in guiding.
no. i should put it this way,
it is the START of all everything now.
thinking abt those times.....
tears would flow out automatically.
i was given my FIRST time to be incharge of something.
which is the thinking day banner competition 2005.
we did not win.
but i started to know about our internal structure.
den i was called to help with admin stuff.
all i know was to help ms queck sort her things properly.
get consent forms right.
no other intention.
i didn't even know what-so-ever CL thingy.
den comes A confronting me..
so many times.
claiming stuff.
siding B.
i've got no problem with B that time until A's confrontation.
no no. actually i just felt that B is lazy and irresponsible.
but it was merely just a thought.
i did not backstab or what.
MANY MANY things happen.
so many that i dont know myself.
until oneday a grp of pple told me when we were chatting.
it was very sad indeed.

when it comes to sec4.
i tot my life would be slightly better without those pple.
but waves and hiccups come one after another.
i wonder when will it stop.
perhaps soon.
very soon.
i always thought of doing my best.
give what i can.
do how much i can do.
just for the name of bwgg.
i didn't expect myself to receive comments like those.
it makes me feel as if im working for nuts.
i tried...
but....
fairytales have good endings.
why cant i have it too?

2006-05-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

whoa.
today is the last day of this semester.
time flies..
half a year is alr gone.
and THREE more days to o'level chinese!
OMG.
i dun wanna take national exams.
my mid yr chinese's results are purely based on luck lah.
after so many practices i had for the cloze passage,
i still cant do well.
hurhurr..
dunno means dunno leh.
cannot understand, cannot read, cannot write.
cannot speed read too.
so many many chinese words to read. how to finish on time?
haiyo!
den comes the comprehension where u have to write in your own words,
suggest, summarise, state the meaning.
walao siao.
headache... really headache.
and my compo suck too.
i always have direct translation.
terrible.

now im just fully exhausted.
haven beem sleeping enough this few days.
tmr 7.15am must reach HQ.
den dunno go where for syf training,
the first combine rehearsal.
sian lah.
i wanna get kicked out leh.
HAHHAA.

today is the last day for my chinese teacher the king khong.
HAHAHAHAHA.
the future lawyer.
wish her all the best in NUS.
btw, i used to so not like her.
her voice is funny.
HAHAHAHAHHA. now used to it alr lah.

oh. lastly.
i've finally improved!
my results i mean.
well at least i see improvement.
shall work harder to get As.
yay!

2006-05-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

kick up the mood man.
i need the mood.

i need a life.

i need the time.

i am scared of tears.

i shall.........

refrain.

2006-05-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

WHAT DO MILK PRODUCE DURING EARTHQUAKES?

eh no...?

WHAT DO COW PRODUCE DURING EARTHQUAKES?

wonderful joke...... by shuxian.
HAHAHAHAHA.

2006-05-17T20:10:00.000+08:00

HOW?

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME.
HOW?

2006-05-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

vesak day

vesak day is the most important event of the year for the buddhist community.
it commemorates the birth, enlightenment, and the final nirvana of the buddha on the full moon day of the fourth lunar month.
this occasion is observed by millions of buddhists throughout the world.
it is a festival for rejoice and goodwill to all.
it is also an occasion for reflection of our own personal spiritual development.

for some buddhists, the observance of vesak begins early in the morning when they assemble at temples to observe the 8 precepts.
others may join the communal observances by going through ceremony of taking the threefold refuge, observing the 5 precepts, making offerings at shrines and chanting.
they may also participate in processions and circumambulation, and listen to sermons of the buddha's teachings.

in some temples, buddhists take part in the ceremonial bathing of the statue of baby prince siddhartha ( the buddha when he was a prince) placed in a basin of perfumed water strewn with flowers. the perfumed water is scooped with a ladle and poured over the statue. this symbolises the purification of one's unwholesome deed with wholesome deeds.

many buddhists also take vegetarian meals on this day as they recall the teaching of universal compassion. on this day, temple are colourfully decoratedwith buddhist flags and lights, and shrines are filled with flowers, fruits and other offerings.

light transference ceremony

in this ceremony, devotees hold a lit candle after sunset, as they pave around the perimeter of a temple, holy objects or monument in walking meditation as te chant mantras or the buddha's name in praise of him. the ceremony represents the passing of the light of wisdom (sharing of the truth) to every direction of the world to dispel the darkness of ignorance. on a personal level, it has the significance of lighting up one's inner lamp of wisdom.

the indefinite passing on of light to countless others without one's own flame dying illustrates that wisdom can be shared without loss on one's part. the burning of the wick with the melting of the candle reminds us of the impermanence and transience of all conditioned things, including our own lives. reflection so helps us to treasure every moment alive without attachment. mindfulness is practised in not letting the flame be extinguished. this is symbolic of the constant guarding of the mind against negative factors detrimental to the spiritual life. in the ceremony, it is more inspiringto see a single flame illuminate a sea of darkness into an ocean of lights than bring brightness to each another.

3 steps 1 bow

in this ceremony, devotees usually line up before sunrise to meditively cirumambulate the perimeter of the temple, bowing once every three steps, while chanting mantras ot the name of buddha in praise of him. upon every prostration, the buddha can be visualised standing upon one's open palms to receive the buddha, the open palms symbolise lotus that denote blossoming of purity. (though the lotus flower's roots are in the ''mud of defilements.'', it blossoms pure and untainted from it. every prostration is thus the paying of respects to the buddha (or countless buddhas and bodhisattvas). this practice helps to purify the mind, humble the ego and lessen obstacle along the spiritual path as one repents past misdeeds and aspires towards spiritual improvement. with mindful og one's body, speech and mind during the practice, concentration and calmness can be attained.

as this ceremony is long, it reminds one of the long and difficult journey towards enlightenment. but it also serves to remind us that as long as we are determined, all difficulties can be overcome. perseverance in completing the practice despite its difficulties also help to strenghten our faith in the buddha and his teaching to lead us towards an enlightenment. the break of dawn at the end of the ceremony represents the light of wisdom despelling the darkness of ignorance as one advances on the journey towards enlightenment.

2006-05-12T13:29:00.001+08:00

HAPPY VESAK!
- a season of gratitude connecting lives....

so. its vesak 2550 this year.
well. buddhism has been spread for 2550 years alr.
yet there are still so much sentient beings.
''treasure here and now, for this is the onlytime & place''

vesak day, is the birth of prince siddhartha, the buddha.
the theme a season of gratitude connecting lives is from kmspks.

went to kmspks yesterday for 3 step 1 bow.
it was fantastic.
the 3s1b was quite a long distance, around the whole kmspks.
it has up and down slopes.
all kinds of different road surfaces.
the upslope very steep lor. haha.
and i slipped but nvr fall when going down slope.
it was alr raining then.

i went with my family.
xiaogu, ah ma, mummy, daddy, tankoonheng, da-gu(gan ma), gan ma's husband, clarice, shuan, clarice and shaun's aunty and one fren of gan ma's husband(an uncle).
we belong to grp 4, which was suppose to start queuing at 8pm.
but we were so kiasu, we went at 5pm.
den we walk around..
eat. go toilet.
lol.
actually my dad is not going.
he kept saying he gotta work den cannot make it on time.
but while queuing up, we called him and tell him there's still long way to go before we start.
so in the end he turned up.
haha so happy.
i was quite disappointed when he say he's not coming. so do my mum.
so glad he came.

and we start queuing at like 6?
ya.its just 6pm ok! and got pple from grp 4 alr start queuing.
and we start at around 9.50pm.
end at 11.50pm.
2 hrs huh.
haha.

just before we started,
the sky was red. and i hear thunder. and see some lightning.
SO SCARY. lol.
and just as we start 3step1bow for NOT LONG.
it started raining.
was quite a heavy shower.
well, everybody was happy when it rain.
we all had the same thought.
its the blessing of the triple gems showering upon us.

i thought i would be very touched and i'll cry.
BUT I DIDN'T.
LOL.
only at first when this whole trail started,
i almost tear.
when i see the abbot ended his sharing
and the gong sound started.
and the music starts to play
and everybody in front bow down.
that kind of feeling...
i started having goosebumps.
and tears almost roll out.
haha.

i guess i didn't feel very repentful den.
i was trying.
but it's just.... like that. haha.
well sometimes its not like ''oh i wanna repent for this this this this this''
whats the point if u say but u dont have any action for it?
ytd i was just ''oh ya. must take this chance to repent''
but u dunno why.
no matter what u say, the correct feeling is not there.
very sad.
cos that arrogant thoughts is still there. its hidden up.
and u cant see it.
sometimes u may not even know about it.
perhaps that's the reason why. haha.

to further describe how it was like when its raining.
we're totally drenched.
the hair esp.
when its wet.
u bow and stand, bow and stand.
the wet hair will keep on dripping.
spectacle was wet but vision wasn't blur.
den ground filled with around 1 or 2cm depth of liquid.
so everything is just VERY wet lah.
u dunno what kind of liquid thing is on your hair. LOL.
den comes the bumpy road surfaces with holes with algaes.
den your hair will dep dep here. dep dep there.
LOL.
sometimes by luck, u'll bow at the drain cover part. HAHA.
and someplaces is just very muddy, so your hands, forhead would just be stain with mud and tiny rocks naturally.
ROCKS!
walao. i've biten sand particles TWO times.
hurhur.
i dunno what else went into my mouth. LOL.

as the rain stops, wind starts to blow.
SO COLD.
halfway towards the end,
i got headache as i stand up.
my head was so heavy then.
and i tot maybe i had fall sick alr.
HAHAHA.
but apparently NOT.
sad. lol.
but if i would to fall sick,
den i cant study.
and if i cant study and i recover by monday.......
what the.
what is going to happen to me? LOL.
nah. im not sick.

actually. with the rain around.
u'll experience something different.
but in anyway, we all were happy that it rains.
like something washing away our sins.
of cos its not that easy.

this is my 2nd year doing 3s1b.
i would say its slightly better.
cos last year i had bruises on my knees
and the skin peeled off at my feets.
this year got nothing.
no. only when it just ended,
i got red patches on both knees.
now dun have alr. just that if i press it, it hurts ABIT.
abit of muscle ache too.
HAHAHAHA. so lousy lah.
one round only den like that, lol.

photos of last year's 3 steps 1 bow taken from kmspsk's website

kmspsk's abbot leading...

it rains every year huh.
the ground is wet too.

they're the grp ONE pple.
haha. thye sky is still so bright huh.
i only started at 10pm!!

oh btw. the whole event ended at 4am.
devotees without tickets would do after those with tickets.
and they'll usually officially end at 4am.

wah. the feeling when u finish and see pple queuing.
just feel like telling them to keep it up.
haha.
i was asking xiaogu ytd after we finish.
''if now call u to do this all over again.......''
HAHA. and we both laughed. nobody answered.

oh i ate alot of carrot cake there.
very nice! and i was hungry. haha.
wanted to go and take a look at the expessing gratitude art thingy.
but didn't.

''the well-doer rejoices here, he rejoices hereafter.... in the blissful state.'' (Dhammapada V. 81)

2006-05-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

WALAO EH.
what an ss paper we had.
almost everybody spotted the wrong chapter.
mrs hee lah!
we follow her. and study at least FOUR theme to be safe.
den come out, they dun go by theme, but
by CHAPTERS.
one of the theme consist of
bk 3, chpt 7 AND bk 4, chpt 1,2,3
and suayly,
ALL the 3 seq questions are from 3 of these 4 chapters.
we're all like huh what the hell.
we purposely gave up that theme cos al0t of chapters,
and it turm out all on this theme.
and mrs hee keep emphasizing on conflicts in northern ireland.
and nuts came from book 3.
even SBQ also from book 4.
ah!
so angry!

i did read through abit lah.
but i did not specialize on it.
see lah!
we're all like
''wah only if we can pass.... aiya sure fail de lor!''
HAHAHA.
and i gave up my seq part (b)
but i hope i can get at least L2 marks.
HAHA.
cos i totally went blank.
and i cant possibly turn back and choose another question anymore.
aiya. its such a bad start or mid year exams.
haha.

im so worried about the campfire's reply.
everytime ask ms chua, she also nvr reply me.
but i heard hougang sec replied alr.
aiya. i always forget to see ms chua.
boohoo.
ms queck keep asking me abt enrolment.
it should be on the first week of june.
but ms queck doensn't want saturday,
when i think saturday is like the best time alr.
haiya. so irritating.
haha.
and i keep forgetting to see ms chua.
blah!

HAHAHA.
i dreamt of enshi just now.
when i was having a nap.
and we had a conversation.
cant really rmb what we talk abt.
but i know i asked her some questions.
and i told her about my ss paper.
HAHAHA!
that ss is like killing me.
anyway. so happy that i dream of enshi.
well. she have this face filled with compassion.
she's so nice.
dont believe. show u.

see?
see what i mean?
haha.
she's like the ci bei mama.
heh...

still got one more.

HAHA.
just thinking abt me having conversation with enshi can make me keep on grinning.
LOL.

FRIDAY IS VESAK DAY.
tmr going kmspks for 3 steps 1 bow.
hohoho.
my 2nd year this time.
all the up slopes, down slopes, cement floor, rocky surfaces, road surface.
how exciting.
lol.
we shall see....
gonna update on vesak at orchard: project million lotus.

2006-05-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
hahahahahahhaa
i got A1 for my chinese paper 2!
woohoo! can u believe it?
im back!
finally im back!
have been waiting for so long.
and ta da~~
whee~
*GRINNING*

LOL.
and now.
nobody can use my time spent for other stuff as a reason if i dun score well.
heehee!!
and im go glad i did the right choice.
it worth that 2.5 days.
blessed....
=D
i cant stop grinning. LOL.

2006-05-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

i miss....
how i wish time would stop there.
my life is just there.
only when i am there, i need not go thru so much.
everybody have common thoughts and belief.
everyone is just so nice.
u feel disciplined there.
u learn alot of new things everyday.
most importantly, this is the place.
the place that u do the right stuff.
the place where u feel correct.
the place where u feel for yourself, your life, as well as others.
a place filled with compassion everywhere.
a place where u see pple trying hard with up to their best of ability to help the others.
a place where pple can learn and understand the truth.
a place with no evil.
a place where everybody is real.
a place where u see really concerning pple around.
a place where pple will not rebel.
a place where i wun hear unnecessary sinful things that does harm when i cant do anything but just feel helpless.
it is just........ home.
can i just stay there forever?

2006-05-05T20:43:00.000+08:00

REAL REAL kl trip.

ok i shall finish everything in this entry.
I HOPE.
hahaha.
later i talk alot of crap again.
anyway i just read my last entry and i laughed.
so dumb lah. write halfway den have to go. lol.

ok so i stopped at when i just reach there.
ya the feeling is there that is so strong.
im so glad again.
everything improved alot there according to most of them.
last time they sleep on the floor but of cos with sleeping bag.
and the aircon was super strong that its too cold to slp.
this time, they used those cushions that pple keel on while chanting,
and filled the whole sleeping area with it.
at least makes it softer and more comfortable to slp on.
and the aircon has acceptable temp, no need sleeping bag as blanket also can.
haha.
aiya everything is just so wonderful there.
so i slp at around 2am++ to 6am.
but i alr slept for like 4hrs on the way to kl.
so not very exhausted.
besides, the earlier i wake up, the less pple there are in the toilet.
HAHAHA. so kiasu.
eh no lor. if not really alot of pple.

den after cleaning up, i walking around like wondering ghost again.
cos it was still so early, that they haven on the hall's lights.
haha. and i met huiru shifu.
she's so nice.
she asked me if i had slept well.
HAHA. so nice!

so at around 7 we had our breakfast.
everybody has their own utensil.
same one somemore.
all bought it from temple.
haha. METAL bowl.
with METAL chopstick and spoon.
eh the food is so NICE.
the most delicious and ''safe'' vegetarian food found.
HAHA.
we had porridge for breakfast.
actually i also dunno whats in the porridge lah.
got bean but pea like thingy.
and alot of other things lah.
tase really good know.
plus they have extra side dishes.
haiyoo.. cannot forget. its so delicious lah.

ba guan sai starts at 8.30am i think?
i wore hai qing.
err haiqing is those black long clothes buddhist wear during fahui.
so irritating lah. so short.
i bought it when i was pri6 i think.
and i demand a new haiqing.
but until now my dad haven but when i ask him to but it at kl.
nvm. i think i'll get it still. lol.

at first i sit in the middle den can see the stage clearly,
how i know the volunteers there shift me to the front, but the side!
because all pple with haiqing must stand infront, den those without stand behind.

den we started chanting.
ohh...
i missed it so much can.
those tunes and blah blah.
so long nvr chant.
den i keep stepping on my haiqing when i stand up after bowing.
lucky nvr tripped. LOL.

for our fahui, we finish chanting one part, den we'll stop,
and shifu will talk.
she'll tell us stories, jokes, and teach values. sometimes also talk abt health.
because shifu had found out from research that by laughing and staying happy can keep us healthy.
actually my shifu they all, all very health-c0nscious.
alot things cannot eat cos its unhealthy.
so i dun drink coffee, and i try to avoid what she say its unhealthy. haha,
i TRY.
she also teach us some exercises that works your whole body.
aiya alot of things lah.
actually i think if i do everything she teach,
i'll be very healthy u know.
hmmmm......... lol.
see first lah.
if i wanna do den i must wake up like 5am?
almost like impossible.
ahh. see first lah.

just as i was dunno doing what,
i heard shifu saying
'' dun find joy in other pple's sorrow.''
den i suddenly rmb,
I ALWAYS LIKE TO PRANK AND LAUGH AT PPLE.
so i was like oh no.
haha!
so!
i have decided not to prank pple anymore.
and i TRY MY BEST not to laugh at ppls IF that person doesn't know im laughing at him
HAHAHAHA.

actually shifu told us quite alot of stories.
she also told us abt her life,
as on her story on how she will chujia.
last time her family also like not very happy with her keep going temple.
not completely dun like her to go temple.
but she say they were happy that she go and learn values and become a buddhist.
but at the same time they scare she will go chujia.
how funny.

her story began with she fell sick one day.
she went to see alot of doctor but nobody can cure her.
for dunno what reason, she met this aunty while she go for her meal.
den the aunty tell her her illness is called the ''ye zhang bing'',
which also means she's ill becos of all her sins.
and she encourages shifu to chant this sutra called ''dizang jing''
dizang jing talks abt karma retribution and how dizapusa went to save lives.
at his moment, shifu was wondering how can there be somebody so great like dizang pusat,
who sacrifices everything to help beings,
and to have such great compassioned will to swear to save ALL lives out of hell before he becomes a buddha.
this means as long as there is a single soul suffering in hell, he can nvr become a buddha no matter how qualified he is.
by chanting dizang jing can help and lessen one's sin.
but of cos not so simple just like that.
it depends. and u have to believe.

slowly day by day,
shifu recovered.
she was den encouraged to have vegetarian.
soon after, she was brought to this temple.
that person that encourages her and teach her all this is a volunteer in the dizang temple.
everything was very new to her, she doesn't know anything.
once, the temple has a a fahui of the buddha of medicine's sutra (yao shi jing)
due to some reason at home, she wasnt allowed to go.
but even though he body was not in temple, her mind was totally there.
she kept thinking abt it.
and when she was sleeping, she dreamt of herself chanting this mantra that she dun know.
by chance after that dream,
she heard the same mantra as in her dream.
when she went to find out what is that,
she found out that it is actually the buddha of medicine's mantra.
how shocking huh...?
thats how shifu learn this mantra.
haha. well, its all fate i can say.

dangjia shifu say she had a hard time finding enshi that time
becos enshi is always not around.
den one day she volunteered to help out at temple to decorate the flower for display.
enshi just came from some places.
she greeted enshi and enshi asked her
'' children, u wanna chujia is it?''
HAHAHA.
at that moment, shifu stunned for awhile.
she says that she was so nervous, her heart almost pop out.
lol. so funny lah.
because she had nvr tell anybody abt she wanting to chujia,
and she only have this thought LAST NIGHT.
lol. its just last night know.
isn't this what we always call? f.a.t.e.
it also belongs to the karma process.
u get what u sow.
haha.
enshi den told her to not rush, let things takes place naturally.
and this how she chujia.

and i realise if i blog all the stories,
it would be damn LONG.
haha. so i shall just say the brief outline of what i did there.
at least i try to give a brief one. haha!

so as she tell us story and teach us from her stories,
i really learn alot.
i realise i start to understand more now.
i feel. and go indepth.
last time pple tells me,
there are times in temple when i'll feel guilty, sinful and wanna repent.
at these times, u'll cry. u'll cry very naturally.
at that time, i asked myself why pple will feel this way but i wun huh?
i NEVER felt like crying before,
no matter how and what.
well, i think i was just cover up by all my sins that i couldn't see and feel and understand.

of cos i did not cry this time.
there's nth for me to cry abt,
except for going home. HAHA.

so during ba guan zai, we also have ''qian ren chi zou da fa hui''
err to tranlate it myself,
its the chanting of mantra's fahui with thousands of pple together.
each of us would be given those buddhist colourful string.
and we chant mantras and tranfer these merits to the string.
when we finish one mantra, we tie a knot at the string.
together we would have 6 knots.
i find this thing very meaningful.
becos we chanted it ourself,
and have shifu to jia ci on the spot.
rather than taking from some temple that they claim it is.
haha.
i gave mine to ziwei because i alr have one.
my father have the one from the stage done by shifu.
and its given to lihui. haha.
she is so blessed gosh.

the whole fahui ends at around 5pm.
we helped around to pack and clean up the place.
until 6pm+?
den we went to our hostel, YWCA.
one night RM90.
is it consider cheap?
my room got 7 pple.
haha. we washed ourselves up and sleep.
i was suppose to study SS, but i dozed off.
end up not studying but slp officially.
we all slpt at 8PM and woke up at 6AM.
the floor is very hard. but i still manage to slp.
heh heh. so glad.
xinyan couldn't slp.
quite sad.
cos she would have no energy for the next day.

can i continue day 2 tmr?
this entry so long. read alr also sian.
LOL.

BA GUAN ZHAI
1. no gossiping.
2. no killing.
3. no scandaling
4. no drinking of alcohol
5. no theft
6.no sleeping on high or soft bed
7. no using of nice smelling stuff on body.
8. no dancing, listening to music or watch tv

*no eating after 12 noon

2006-05-04T17:43:00.000+08:00

the REAL kl trip

LOL.
i was tired after typing the first part of my life.
OK OK. now i shall cont kl trip part 2.
how funny.

so. i reached there around 2am.
well, i went there once, not staying overnight.
but it was very long ago. so i dun have much impression of it.
for now, the moment i step into the hall...
the feeling is there.
no matter where and which country we're at.
the feeling is just there
just as soon as u're at the doorstep of this sacred place of dizang pusa.
the first step into the hall, i thought ''this is it''
im finally here......
after much obstacles i manage to overcome with help.

so.
before we enter the hall,
we have to walk through this ''reception'' place where the reception tables are
and some selling or distributing of those buddhist stuff.
there, the ladies put their stuff on the left and man on the right.
HAHA. if u go there.....
okay.
it looks like salvation army.
becos the place for us to put things is very small and cramp.
plus there are so many women there.
and the toilet is there as well.
as in it is like a small ''room'' with a toilet and we put our things outside the toilet.
and because of the toilet there, there are so many ppl going in and out.
not just pple staying overnight there but also to the public.
den somethings just before or after the fahui there'll be a VERY LONG queue outside the toilet.
GLAD.
that they renovated the toilet.
HAHA.
because i rmb the toilet very small and disgusting there.
and always no water.
HAHAHAHA.
well, its quite expected.
malaysia always no water in toilet.
eh but this this time not bad.
the toilet is clean, got SUFFICIENT water.
and shifu says we must take off our shoes and wear the toilet's slippers to go in.
which makes things cleaner in a sense.

okay back to topic.
so we find ourself a place,
settled down,
go toilet,
walk around,
read the posters on their schedule,
take sleeping bag,
and enter the hall.

its like WHOA.
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
without hesistating, i did the 3 bows.
its hard to describe.
even if u're there yourself, you may not feel what i felt.

I GOT DISCONNECTED 2 TIMES WHILE TYPING THIS.
THEN I HEARD SOME SCOLDING DOWN STAIRS,
SO I FASTER GO DOWN FOR MY DINNER.
NOW I GOTTA RUSH FOR SOME STUFF FOR MY DAD.
continue part 3 again.
HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

2006-05-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

week end at KL

ahhh.. had spent my long labour day weekend in kl.
well, gotta learn more things this time.
btw, i haven mention anything much about my shifu here, so i shall list it all out now.

first, the founder of the dizang association in taiwan, singapore, malaysia, australia,
is our respectable abbot, ''di-jiao'' fashi, who we commonly known her as ''enshi''

second comes ''jue guang'' fashi who we commonly known as ''dangjia shifu''.
she would be the next abbot after enshi. (ps. ziwei likes her. LOL)

third would be ''jue ming'' fashi who we also commonly known as ''jian-yuan'' shifu.
well, we call her jian-yuan shifu because she overlooks the temple.

next! all the other shifuS (i shall only name those i can rmb) :
1. huiru shifu - she takes charge of the temple in singapore.
2. HUIXIAN shifu! - HAHAHAHAHA. i guess everybody knows who is she.
3. huiguang shifu - she takes charge of onstage performances
4. huixing shifu - err. she busy
5. huimu shifu - she takes care of AVA, like huixian shifu
6. huixi shifu
7. huirong shifu
8. huijia shifu
9. huikong shifu
10. huida shifu
11. huizhen shifu
12. huiwen shifu
13. huize shifu
14. huishan shifu
15. jueli shifu
i forgot alot of names alr. rmb the faces but forgot the names
so this is all i can recall for the time being.
but there is 100++ shifu altogether.

brief introduction of how i came to this temple.
its very long ago. shld be pri 3 that year.
which means its my 7th year in buddhism alr.
so long yet so short huh?
im sorry to say and tell myself that i hasn't improve alot.
im still walking, ON THE SPOT.
hurhurr...
but im since i realise now, im keen to learn and improved.
ok so i was in pri 3. and this aunty,
who is my grandfather's COUSIN.
she introduce this place to my parents when enshi came for fo xue jiang zuo,
which is a buddhist talk that we still have until now annually.
this aunty so funny huh. she intro us in,
but now she's no where to be found. LOL.
i guess either she go other temple or something happen.
ok whatever reasons, so kaypo lah me. lol.

i did not attend that buddhist talk but my sister does.
and my sis is so not interested.
but the very next day after the talk, my parents brought me, my sis and brother to the temple at geylang.
i rmbed quite clearly that they were holding a buddhist marriage that time.
haha! sadly it was not held anymore now in singapore.
so enshi hold the whole event,
i wasn't interested at all at first all because of my sister!
she said it was boring blah blah. and the 3 of us we forced to go there.
HAHAHA.
however, as time pass by, words said by enshi just went into my ears though i shut it off.
they came into me just like that.
i was just a primary 3, 9yrs old kid.
and by this unknowing fate,
i started to got interested.
very interested indeed.
so this was the FIRST interaction i had with enshi.
although i cant rmb what she said that got into me.
i rmb clearly that i started listening very attentively after that.

second thing that got me so interested was all the shifus.
i dunno why lah. pple may think im weird.
but everytime i see shifu, i'll just smile and becomes happy naturally.
even if im angry, sad, whatsoever emo,
happiness just come across my when i see them.
i'll wanna talk to them.
HAHAHAHA. but guess what?
i am not the eugenia now, last time.
i dun dare to talk to them even if i wan to.
i DONT DARE ok.
funny huh? lol.
i also dunno why i dun dare.
but its like its weird to go to them and say
''shifu can i talk to u?'', when u got nth to talk abt.
nth sensible and logical.
haha.
AND I AM NOT A LESBIAN.
even though i'll be happy, i wanna talk to them.
its just this special tinklish feeling.
AND be aware, they're shifus.
they are nuns.
like hello? do u know who are nuns?
LOL.

and now...
though i say im still ''walking on the spot''
i realise, without enshi, there wouldn't be who i am now.
im a nasty, really really really nasty child.
u wouldn't be able to imagine how bad i was.
its VERY SUPER DUPER to the extreme alr.
haha.
i.m.a.g.i.n.e........
LOL.

eh u know what?
i am suppose to blog about the KL trip.
in the end i had a peishan in review.
an endless review which cant be describe to its fullest with just words.......

2006-04-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

VEGETARIANISM

''If a person does not harm any living being...
and does not kill or cause others to kill
-that person is a true spiritual practitioner.''

Must Buddhists be vegetarian?
No.

Why the fuss then?
Though the Buddha never made it a compulsory rule that all His followers have to be vegetarians, He strongly encouraged us to be. In the Bodhisattva practice of minimising harm to all beings and benefiting them as much as possible, the practice of vegetarianism as far as possible plays an essential role. We can see this in many of the Buddha's recorded teachings.

If being vegetarian is so important on the Bodhisattva path, why was the Buddha not one?
The Buddha and the Sangha in His time were not total vegetarians as they consumed alms food offered by lay followers, whom they encountered ''randomly'' from place to place. Though the Buddha never requested specific food to be offered, He spoke against the intentional acquiring of meat for Him and the Sangha. In this way, the Buddha neither directly nor indirectly cause the death of any being for His food. On the other hand, we have the freedom of the choice of our diet, since we do not eat alms food. Why not make the kinder and wiser decision?

Can't I be a good Buddhist who is not vegetarian?
Of course we can. One who eats meat can cultivate a pure heart just as one who is vegetarian might have an impure heart. But why not cultivate a pure heart while making the extra effort to further the practice of Compassion by being vegetarian?

*But didn't the Buddha say there is pure meat?
The Buddha advised monks that meat should only be accepted when certain conditions are met. Meat may be eaten by one who does
(1) not see,
(2) hear of,
(3) or doubt about the animal having been killed purposely for him to eat,
(4) but is certain that it either died naturally,
(5) or that its flesh had been abandoned by birds of prey.

Isn't meat from the markets and restaurants considered pure meat?
No, because demand creates supply.
Once, a disciple of the Buddha asked a man why he kept buying meat. The man replied that he did so since the meat-seller kept selling meat. When the meat-seller was asked why he kept selling meat, he replied that he did so since the man kept buying from him. When the Buddha was consulted as to who was the unskillful (in Compassion and Wisdom) one, He replied that both were unskillful.
Supply and demand is an obvious vicious cycle. The whole universe of meat eating and animal slaughtering is an intricate web of interdependence, of related cause and effect. When we buy meat, we play a part in the circle of life and death of other beings.

What is real pure meat then?
Here are some forms of meat that can be considered pure meat.
1. Meat ordered or received by mistake.
2. Leftover or discarded meat.
3. Meat from animals that have died naturally or by accident for at least 16 hours (The number of hours is to ensure the consciousness has left the body).
4. Meat from random alms rounds as practised in the Buddhist tradition.

Isn't killing vegetables taking life too?
Yes. However, plant life is not sentient life- they are not beings with reason and emotion.

Doesn't growing vegetables kill many insects too?
This is not true if we choose organic food, which are grown without the use of pesticides (which can be harmful to humans too). In comparison to eating non-organic vegetables, pesticides are used fifty times more when we eat meat- to kill pests to produce animal feed. It takes ten kilos of vegetable protein to produce only one kilo of animal protein!
Much of our daily products also involve animals- such as leather shoes, milk from cows, honey from bees, soap from animal fat, drugs with animal serum (that might be tested on animals)...
However, there are many new products today that are free from animal derivatives. Given more choice, we are at liberty to make wiser decisions on how to live life in a more harmless way. Consider becoming a vegan!
Despite all we can do, merely to live is to deprive other beings of their food, habitat and/ or life to a certain extent. Therefore, Buddhists practising the Bodhisattva path should do all they can in their ability to avoid killing, and to protect life instead.

Can you further convince me to be a vegetarian?
Here are some good reasons to be a vegetarian.

1. Personal well-being- No disease can come from a balanced vegetarian diet. Medical proof states that all kinds of diseases can spring from meat-eating, while having a vegetarian diet can not only prevent, but help cure many diseases. Our body constitution is also not designed for meat digestion. For example, our teeth and intestine structure are virtually identical to that of herbivorous, not carnivorous animals. Eating animals which die in great fear and hatred, we devour along their toxins of fear and hatred, which affects both our spiritual and physical health.

2. Well-being of animals- Animals live imprisoned and tortured lives before the final horror of being slaughtered. While alive, they suffer from overcrowding, castration and countless other cruelties.

3. Well-being of the environment- Animal-rearing depletes the Earth's resources of energy, land, crops and water. It also creates large amounts of harmful animal sewage and greenhouse gases..

4. Well-being of fellow humans- More than two-thirds of the Earth's cropland is used for cultivating animal feed for animals to be slaughtered as meat. No human starvation would exist if animal rearing for the rich meat-consumers was lessened, converting the crops as food for citizens of the Third World Countries.

5. Peace on Earth- Wars, racial riots and other forms of related human unrest are collective karmic results of generated hatred when group-slaughtered animals, which die in great fear and hatred, are reborn as humans.

2006-04-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

C.O.M.P.A.S.S.I.O.N.

'' It is by having compassion and the thought of universal responsibility that one finds the happiness of life, the real joy of life, the real meaning of life: one feels real peace and happiness in one's heart. ''
- Lama Zopa Rinpoche

2006-03-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

somebody pls make me stop thinking.
too much thoughts flashing through.

2006-03-21T21:24:00.000+08:00

this is life.
its a reality.
a reality of different pple with different personality.
some pple just cant work with the rest.
they only wants it their way.
why cant everybody stay harmoniously together?
discuss everything in a proper manner?
give each other some basic respect and courtesy.

well. i can really see the difference btw 2 society.
one is heaven.
the other is hell.
but they are still reality in this world.
so why cant everybody be the same?
boohoo!

2006-03-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

im dead
im dead
im so so so dead.
everything is popping up into me.
moodswings are everywhere.
jus becos whatever thing that pops into have different mood.

err.....
so i shall start with my schoolwork.
actually not much lah.
just that i dun wan whoever that is worry abt my grades to be worry.
i guess i would be able to plan my time.
i really HAVE to plan my time alr.
i cannot afford to wonder off and do other things anymore.
sad life i know.
quite sad. haha.
yes yes study comes first.
i know. i know.
but if i really have this ''passion'' of other commitments.
i have to do it too.
whether its for my own interest or because of my responsibility.
i have to do it.

my mum has been seriously nagging me abt my studies.
my time. (the amt i rest & im always home late)
she kept saying my face yellow yellow. haha.
my personal commitments.
but i tell u.
my mummy is the greatest person!
she just wash strawberries and grapes for me.
cos she said i must eat more fruits.
so rather than keep eating apple.
she bought something more appetizing.
so nice right? haha.
and she always make sure i drink her soup every dinner.
my mum can cook the best soup ever.
u prefer light flavour or heavy flavour,
she also can cook.
try her vegeterian shark fin soup.
i can tell u.
its the B.E.S.T! =D
got pple wanna buy her for recipe ok.
dun play play. hahahha.

today. i hold back my tears many many times.
i told someone not to cry.
and braved it through.
cos thats the only thing we can do.
sometimes as i think abt it.
i know im scared.
i really am.
but i cannot afford to stay at one corner to hide.
because by doing so, i actually kick the rest to hell
and i'll be living in a ''peaceful'' place where no one can disturb.
i dun call it a heaven.
because for somebody who does such irresponsible act.
that person does not deserved to be in heaven.
ok whatever i am saying. haha.
im scared.
im scared of the consequences.
im scared of letting pple down.
im scared of failure.
im scared of parents.
im scared that some girls might not be able to take it.
im scared of ms quek and ms chua.
i really wished to be in somewhere without them.
im afraid of seeing them.
im afraid of hearing from them.
im afraid of seeing sms-es from them.
im afraid to receive calls from them.
finally im im saying how frightened i am.
i keep reminding myself to stay strong. stay strong.
but as i go along.
things are getting more and more out of hand.
i can no longer say anything or do anything.
i feel weaker and weaker.
everything seems to be in a mess.
and now im afraid.....
that this little needle might break anytime.

at other side of my life,
im scared to request to go somewhere.
im scared to request to do something.
im scared to make her sad and worry.
im trying as much as i can to obey.
and i hope she understands.
she's nice. yes she is.
perhaps she's just over protective.
its just because of love.
sometimes as she talks to me abt this very sensitive topic,
i really not want her to compare so much of it.
perhaps she thinks its alright.
but it isn't. i wanna correct u.
i hope u listen. but u doesn't seems to.
it hurts.
i dun wan u to create such a sin unknowingly,
just becos of this little ignorant part of you.
it might look as little as nth.
but the fact is, its a big thing. the worst thing u can compare and critisised abt.
u're not wrong. maybe its just the way u feel as u compare.
but pls. stop.
listen to what others has got to say.
dun reply things like ''ya ya. u're good at talking''
telling u it, does not mean its protective against that organisation.
but the truth is it.
u have to understand it after so many years of following.
if not there's really no point staying so long for.
for me, i've seen what is it.
i know what is it.
i've learn lots from it.
im feeling comfortable with it.
everything and anything she does is all out of her compassion.
u really have to understand and not just see its outer.

frankly. i really wanna shou wu jie.
i wanna go taiwan chao sheng.
i'll make it a wish.
a wish that can come true anytime soon........

2006-03-18T15:38:00.000+08:00

life still goes on.
never stop hoping.
perservere.
we all know this is your darkest period.
its terrible.
but would u rather be depress than being happy?
i mean of cos its normal to be depress.
but whether u are happy or sad,
time still pass.
u still have to face it.
life still goes on.
i would rather live it happily than to stay gloomy.
think abt ur parents, your friends.
they are your support.
it hurts to see u like that.
esp your parents.
think abt their effort to help u.
u cant possibly just shatter off like that.

since everything is still not confirm.
keep trying. keep hoping. keep praying.
remember what i told u before?
your mood and mental state affects your condition the MOST.
stay positive. everything would be positive naturally.
cheer up girl!
we'll be here 24/7 for you. =)

2006-03-18T15:19:00.000+08:00

SYF . NDP

i wonder whats wrong with the sec2s lah.
all are so afriad to go into syf or ndp marching contigent.
their seniors here are so eager to go.
they dont even have this basic passion for guides.
arg.
it has never come across them on how to bring up bwgg unit.
how how how how how.
i've got no idea what to do with them.
they are so afraid of toughness.
they joined guides becos they thought that its the slackest cca ever.
but too bad. they are absolutely wrong.
we can never afford to slack anymore.

sec 3s.
half half.
one super strong.
another one super slack.
HOW THE HACK DO THEY DARE NOT TO TURN UP FOR TODAY'S NDP SELECTION.
god!
they're like hopeless.
no point scolding.
no point punishing.
i really have to find another way out to deal with them.
i shall try to talk to ms chua first.
but for what i predict,
she's going to get me to think of a solution myself again.
ask like never ask like that.
so dumb.
hahhaa.
i hope those pple who did not attend the ndp selection today will not turn out to be like b**v*n*.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
the stronger ones are doing well.
slowly they are adapting and taking over.
they would be given all the authorities once we step down.
they're not going to follow our footsteps. =)

2006-03-18T15:06:00.000+08:00

MILLION LOTUS FOLDING SESSIONS

Volunteer to fold as many lotuses as you can.
Every lotus represents an aspiration of compassion - compassion that is so-needed to achieve inter-religious harmony.
Singaporeans of all religions and races are joining in to fold 1 million lotuses, symbolizing the infinite power of compassion that we can generate towards a more peaceful world!

WHO can participate?
Anyone! Children, students, youths, adults, housewives, retirees, senior citizens all can!

WHERE?
KMSPKS Ven Hong Choon Memorial Hall Level 1

WHEN does it start?
Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday afternoons starting 10th March 2006.
2pm to 6pm

HOW? (If I don't know how to fold a paper lotus, can I volunteer?)
Lotus Coaches will be showing you how to fold a lotus, no worries!

Thousands of people in Singapore will be engaged in this ground breaking, mind-bogging movement to produce 1,ooo,ooo origami paper lotuses!

How else can you help?
*You can also pledge a certain number of lotuses and do it at home!
*You can invite your boss, colleagues, friends and relatives to fold or pledge!
*Donate your unwanted magazines, printing paper to us! Give your unwanted paper a new lease of life! Every paper is a lotus of compassion!
(However, old newspaper and paper beyond recycling condition will be donated to recycling kiosk)
*Sign up as a volunteer during 6 to 7 May 2006 (vesak @ orchard)

hahahaha.
whoever interested ple tell me.
we can go together.
im trying to find as many pple to help as possible. =)

As we fold each lotus,
Develop thoughts of loving kindness and compassion for all.
Every lotus will bloom beautifully

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."

2006-03-17T13:22:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna go to school.
i dun wanna do holiday assignments.
i feel so lazy.
haha.

numb

2006-03-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

life is so hectic everyday.
what i can do is just to to follow.
time FLIES.
only left with 3 days of holidays.
can u imagine?
i haven done anything much yet.
sp rover's campfire's performance is still on its way.
and next sat is the campfire alr.
irresponsible pple just dun come for meeting.
everybody is sick.
HOW CONTAGIOUS.
but who cares.
this pple are going to produce an MC.
if not i'll see what i can do to scare them.
idiots.

my hair is so so so short now.
look like boy boy.
i cant tuck my hair behind my ear.
my ears seems to enlarged.
hurr.. i wan my hair back.
its too short!
all my fault lah.
call the aunty cut shorter. LOL.
but i didn;t know she'll ct it this short.
alsagoff is going to love me alot.
but i dun want her to love me.
hurrr.....

somebody pls grow up.
u and i are different.
different mentality.
different style.
different personality.
try the little ones.
they might be the one.
yes i am talking abt u.
dun need to ask my friends alr.

stupid

2006-03-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

terrible terrible terrible
nothing just terrible.
really terrible.

3 3 3 3 3

2006-03-10T20:02:00.000+08:00

A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E
the right attitude is not just to work hard alone.
it is to do it without complains.
dont keep on telling yourself u're tired.
neither do u kept on telling urself you need a break.
it'll just make you more reluctant.
for even more.
once u accept the task, do it.
whole heartedly.
your limits are unlimited.
never think how limited u and your resources are.
there is always a way out.
but rather than going the super easy way out and make everything so...
not like it was suppose to be.
THINK!
do your best.
impressed people.
that's the reason why we're holding such an event.

sometimes its just simply because we're too friend.
u dont take me for who i am anymore.
always note on your usage of words.
im especially particular abt the ways u present to me.
not forgetting, i can easily see through.....
your attitude.

lihui again.

2006-03-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

oops. i read your organiser.
hahaha. i'll say
''sorry'' if u're talking abt me.
''dun be sad'' if u're not talking abt me.
nobody will ever take this as a joke dont worry.
cos its a BIG thing.
your parents are those who are most worried abt u.
no doubt about it.
so. the big day is tomorrow.
just go in bravely.
and come out safely.
we'll be waiting for your great news!
=)

whats next.
it has been some time since i've talk abt guides.
ok. lets talk abt the last friday meeting.
everything was fine. fun. funny.
until ms quek came.
after that comes ms chua.
woohoo!
ms quek is ok. cos she's always unreasonable.
it was ms chua!
be frank. ms chua is nice.
just that she always do things holding the word responsibility with her.
its perfectly fine. she can be sarcastic.
with her BIG round eyes staring at you. expecting u to answer all her questions.
smartly.
not an easy task ok.
so what happen was. we were doing footdrill.
and those kuku kept dragging their feets.
with their kuku arms slacking.
and their kuku body that cant coordinate with the rest.
how kuku can they get?
kuku heads.
LOL.ok enough of scolding.
eventually i made them took off their shoes to keep thier feel shut.
and put a 12 inch pole on their arm to make sure its 90 degree.

a CUTE BONG BONG who ''felt for them''
and went to complain to the teacher whose ms chua.
without even telling us that she ''felt for them''
and discuss with us first.
so this bong bong got ms chua down.
not to say that we're in the wrong for inplimenting such punishment. i dun see anything wrong.
they deserve it since they dont learn.
this pple should know themself what they are in for the moment they join guides.
it is suppose to be a uniform grp with strict discipline.
doesn't means those previous mdms are slack. so we'll continue slacking.
somebody will have to wake up and fix this whole situation as well as to wake the rest up.
the reason why i make u girls wear back your shoes is because i dun wanna create more trouble cos i heard trouble is coming on its way alr.
the trouble was not cause by me. neither the other sec 4s training them.
it was somebody who got nth better to do becos she doesn't wanna do anything. and only know how to ''feel for pple''.
that person is a hypocrite.
he should feel guily.
when i just started to have trust in her all over again.
he betrayed it.
saddening huh.
does this means never to trust pple who ever betray it over and over again?
ok lor. hahahahha.
actually this kind of pple also dun need to bother too much.
its a waste of time. since she only know how to ''feel for them''
SO PAINFUL...! AWWW.....
AHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

and many pple cried on friday too.
all becos of teachers lah.
one day if ms quek can stop scolding me, blaming me, accusing me,
i'll be the happiest person ever on earth.
i wonder what hack did i own her my previous life.
hahaha. she's always so irritating.
first time she say im rebellious.
secong time she says im irresponsible.
then she say im blur. (i wonder who is the blur one)
now she says im a liar.
sometimes effort just dont pay off.
i dun expect anything from the teachers.
just hope that whatever activities we're holding on goes smoothly.
no need for praises.
needless to say
i dun expect to always get scoldings too.
ok lah its normal to get tell off.
but not this kind like what i got from ms quek.
she can drive me mad. totally mad.
she doesn't understands.
always going her way.
can she ever stop and listen to what other pple has got to say?

aiya actually i bring up this friday thing because ms chua wants to talk to me about it again TOMORROW!
i thought it was over already lor.
but it seems to be endless.
i can predict.
its going to be a bad day tmr again.
boohoo!

happy bday stupid woman.

2006-03-08T16:40:00.000+08:00

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaaa.
so sad for u. have to work on your bday.
quick! cursed the itp.
for your information. i reached home very early recently.
its just 4.30pm now. and i'll be taking a nap again.
while u are having your FUN working.
aww. how sad.
so stupid lah. i sholudn't have even told u that i forgot ur bday.
den i can make it as if i purposely dun say till the end of the day.
so dumb lor.
chey so not fun anymore.
hahahha.
hey. marine expert cum factory aunty.
i've got a very nice idea for u to thank me for the present.
saying thankyou alone is not enough.
BRING ME TO YOUR FIRST FEW DENTAL APPOINTMENT.
it'll be enough. *GRIN*
come on. say yes lah idiot. its not difficult lor.
so faster get your butt down and fixed your braces on as soon as possible.
so that i can have some fun.
whee~~

2006-03-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

im so lazy to blog. but just to give it a little live.
so what?
my CA results are disgusting.
can i not take the report slip to show my parents not?
so disgusting lah.
there goes all the nags and scoldings again.
haiyo.
i failed the bloody chinese lah!
how can that ever happen to me?
so saddening lor.
i failed my chinese?
like what the hell. chinese?!
how to improve?
aiya im like so dead. kill me man.

why?

2006-02-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna stay at home every sunday night.
i wanna go out with my parents.
but im not allowed to.
all because of common tests.
but its just common tests lor.
why cant i do something that i really wanna do after studying?
is it really THAT important?
i mean. it is important.
but i just wanna do something that i really wanna do.
just to reward myself.
ok lah. keep me at home, i'll still study but its juat AWHILE.
doesn't make much difference. boohoo!

my dad understand.
he ask me '' u all very scare of your mummy is it? always listen to what she say. and never really listen to what i say''
hahaha.
i told him its because u dun usually bothers abt my results because u know that i know how to plan for myself.
not that mummy doesn't trust me. just because all mum tends to be more concern abt it.
so what i can do is just to follow her advices and whatever she wants me to do as much as i can.
as for this time, im obeying not totally because its common test week.
but because i dun wan mummy to have more stress because of me, to worry abt me.
she has more things to do.
im here not to give her problems.
but to let her at least have something to feel proud of,
to let her know that im here to repay her kindness.
to let her feel that life is never a regret.
mummy. i know u are worried. but do understand that i know what i am doing.
i plan for myself.
i know what is right and wrong.
i know what to do at the right time.
u need not get angry because of us.
smile and stay happy.
just like that,
u'll definately find it more worthwhile.
=)

as for now.
i just have to stay at home and study.
and as much as possible,
stop thinking abt the place they go,
whats is happening there?
and what have they learn this time.

lihui

2006-02-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

dun be sad lihui.
there's always a way out in everything.
but if u feeling like crying, just cry it out.
if u need a hug, just tell us.
we'll always be there if u need us.
really.
stay strong!
we are your supports.

there's always obstacles in life.
just climb over it and everything will be fine.
dun give up.
talk to your parents.
make ur stand clear.
im sure they'll understand.

u need not put on that smile in school if u cant.
it will make ur life more terrible.
not trying to tell u to have the gloomy face everyday.
but show ur emotions if u cannot take it.

its a very big deal to u now.
to us too.

HAPPY THINKING DAY. LOL.

2006-02-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

thinking day parade today.
i woke up at 5.20am today ok!
reached school at 6.10am!
den mr goh forced me to sit with him for his breakfast. LOL.
no choice since im early.
suppose to meet at 6.30am. but to set better example,
reach earlier better than late.
so.
it's the real parade this time!
our total strength doesn't look that small afterall.
HAHAHA.
everything went so so so so smoothly.
THEN!!
i zao sia!
WHY????
how idiotic can it get man!
people down there is laughing ok.
so saddening. it just went off like that.
hais.
one part wrong sounds like everythings not alright. esp when its the last part!
no more glory for guides then.
athena had her hand down before that command.
worst than me.
in the end it was the sec 4s that cork things up.
well done to the rest of the girls!
haha. at least nobody is going to get the 50 pumping.
except whoever i dont know. jenifer says so.
hahahahha.
haiya....
some people laughed when thay walk passed me.
thats super duper irritating and saddening.
boohoohoo!

heh heh.
only the colour party is cool today!
whee~

happy birthday seet ziwei!

2006-02-20T19:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 16 ziwei!
yay!
finally its your birthday.
16 yrs old means
u're able to watch NC 16's movie.
just remember to smuggle me in ok?
i look forward for that day to come. hahaha.
16 yrs old also means
its GCE 'O' level year!
whee~~
my sister wants u to find a boyfriend soon.
she loves u alot huh.
love to vandalise my organise just to communicate with u.
so idiotic.
den u call her da jie like nobody's business too. lol.
like jenifer. my sister seems to be adopting younger sisters.
chey. she enjoys talking to them too.

heh!
went to temple ytd.
it has been 1 mth since i last went.
well, it seems that if u look at somebody in a different angle,
that person doesn't look as bad as u think.
huiru shifu is so so so nice!
hahahha. if i nv mention to anybody before,
just before CNY, i lost the temple's backgate's key. =p
i was searching for it everywhere.
but im sure i did not bring it out of the temple.
ya. so ytd i asked huiru shifu in this super guilty tone whether the key has been found.
lol. although its not found, she's replied so nicely to me.
but she say she's changing the lock.
the backgate is those metal gate in those shop houses.
whereby u pull it down from the top.
that kind of lock is so tedious to change.
aiyo. this the like the ever first time im so careless when working at temple.
hahahahhaha.
she's just so nice lah. hahahha. =)
so is huixian shifu. LOL. i can never leave her out.

L. O. V. E.
The definition of love in Buddhism is: wanting others to be happy. This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance (including self-acceptance).
This definition means that 'love' in Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to de-tachment and the unselfish interest in others' welfare.

and i've just receive a news!
my cousin is going to be a father!
im going to be a yi yi again.
hmmm. ITS AH WEI GOR GOR'S BABY!
OMG. i wonder how the baby is going to look like lah.
ah wei gor gor.
he's very nice to me ok.
always bring me out for supper.
lala zian. our favourite. hahahahha.
btw the baby is made in KOREA.
LOL!
hey i shall give the baby a christian name.
so cool. since malaysian seldom have a christian's name.
i shall make this baby special.
and this new baby will be the 2nd baby i love.
1st is rand rand obviously. lol.
rand is still the cutest ever other than me.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!

CE day!

2006-02-20T17:52:00.000+08:00

adam khoo's workshop.
sounds boring right.
i tot it was some stupid boring thing.
with super boring pple talking to us, telling us dumb things just to make us more confident.
and making us sit in the hall for 12 hours in all 3 days.

heh heh. luckily we're in ava room with aircon.
those trainers are super funny!
i like the way they present. interesting.
esp gary and ramesh. melvin is funny too.
only danny. abit dry. i think he's trying to make it funny too.
but sad to say he still cannot make it.
i like ramesh esp. he's so dramatic.
though gary says ramesh is the ''mountain''
they higher he climbs, the colder he gets.
it means he's a totally different person from who he is in his talks.
doesn't this sounds scary?
are motivators all like that?
gary has sad life too.
he still hasn't found what he really wants to pursued.
he's confused.
he's in his mid of seacrhing.
he also said that he's wun be who is is once he step out of the AVA room.
very sad huh.
have to carry a mask with him where ever he goes.

gary told us abt life.
to know how to appreciate ur parents before its too late.
people cry. they weeped.
why?
touched?
or simply just becos of regrets?
its not too late to realise all this now.
at least u all finally knows.
my cousin says its so stupid to pay $130 just to get somebody to remind u abt all this.
but at least it reminded them and hopefully it really went into their heart.
ok im mean i know.
i laughed at those weeping sounds.
but i did try not to laugh. i tried so hard to control ok.

well, life and death.
something humans can never avoid.
its a cycle.
their message out there is to appreciate whatever and whoever before its too late.
to say ''i love u'' to ur parents before its too late.
to apologise to ur parents for whatever u have done before its too late.
to study hard before its too late.
better learning techniques.
aim for yourself.
work for ur own future.

for now, i would like to thank
my mum.
for constantly nag at me for whatever reasons.
for the cereal and bread every morning. ( though i hated it. but i still eats it. lol.)
for the fabulous meal every dinner.
and my dad.
for he's hard work to wake me up every morning.
for he's hard earned money. to feed such a daughter like me.
hahahahhaha.

of cos i feel super irritated when my mum nag at me.
i even kept on rebutting her.
and she gets really mad.
but i still lose in the end.
i can never win. LOL.
currently im learning to digest what she says.
and stop my stupid mouth from rebutting anymore.
hahahhahahahahahahha.

i miss enshi........... alot. suddenly.
hahahhaa.

pop balloons

2006-02-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

haha. im suppose to be at kovan hub doing CIP,
some pop balloon thingy.
but nobody's going. so im not going too.
but i bet all those enthu pple from our class are all there.
they very. no class spirit lor.
hahhahahahahhaa!
my class spirit means if half of the class not going, den all dun go lah.
always like that.
but who cares. haha.
if the teachers not happy den too bad.
cos today is yuan xiao jie.
we have reunion dinner blah blah.
all our excuses. haha.

talking abt yuan xiao jie, which is the last day of CNY.
so fast! so fast lah.
haiyo. how i wish everyday day is cny.
so fun.
no need to study.
got alot of food.
so many pple at home.
blackjack! even though i dun play.
if even better than holidays!

rand rand advanced himself to K1 when he's only 4yrs old!
so clever lor.
he say nursery very boring.
and my cousin got 6 points for o'level can.
my family's scholor.
so clever. but so idiotic.
of cos im happy for him.
but those adults always like to compare results.
so irritating.
so pressurising lah.
haiyo!
only if i can be as good as him.
whoa! can u imagine?
whee~~~

happy birthday xiaoqing!

2006-02-11T12:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO XIAOQING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
im so sorry.
i really forgot about it.
but still, now that u scolded me.
im feeling so guilty.
this means i still care.
but. im so super busy.
hahhaha. ok i know its not the excuse.

all i can remember is girl guides.
when is the stupid competition results coming out.
are we going to win?
thinking day rally.
thinking day parade.
cluster campfire.
PNA award GOLD!
den all sec 4s have workloads.
homeworks.
tons and tons of homeworks.
still not completed.
class tests.
common tests.
mid year exam.
prelim.
THE BLOODY O'LEVEL.

yesterday's meeting was so chaotic.
cant stand it.
and i kept screaming for them to settle down.
like siao woman.
SEC 1 SIT DOWN!!!
SEC 2 AND 3 COME HERE!!!
and ms quek jus come and create a scene
was so angry with her lah.
keep nagging and nagging.
say i got problem with my attitude.
say i rebellious.
crazy.
when she always got mixed up btw me and the bestfriend.
then everytime i ask her something, she says ok.
but after that i've done it, she'll say i nvr ask den go do alr.
sometimes i wonder whether does anything goes through her brain before she answer anybody.
or perhaps she's just brainless.
but she can be nice too.
so irritating lah.
my new tactic is just to say ''yes, orh. ok, can'' to her.
if not she'll never be able to get out of my sight.
haiyoo.
ok lah. sometimes im rude to her.
rude as in to raise my voice.
but if i dun be louder back,
i'll nv be able to get the message to her.
im just a student.
teachers dun usually listen to us.
ESPECIALLY MS QUEK.
u have to be louder lah.
bo pian.
that is also the reason why i always find ms chua.
she's so nice.
at least she listen and if its not ok.
she'll explain properly and clearly to me.
my favourite quote to ms quek "i tell ms chua alr''
LOL. den she'll say ''ok lor''.
hahahahahahahahahhhahhaa.
how wonderful.

xiaoqing: sorry to keep u waiting the whole day. sincerely saying sorry.

my creation (part 2)

2006-02-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
hahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha..!
the sec 2s all passed today too!
whee~~
though they made more mistakes than the sec 3s,
but overall, they still manage to get the flag up nicely.
the sec2s had improved alot!
now they can produce straight arms, not fully locked yet.
but its ok. i make sure they can do it by tmr's meeting. haha.

walao. somebody is trying to psycho my cousin lah.
no way is she going to do that man.
she scares me with those friendly smiles and talks with her.
as if they were BESTFRIEND. LOL.
how can somebody just BESTFRIEND with another person within like 1 hr++?
god. she's scary.
im not going to be the devil that stops them from becoming BESTFRIEND.
cos by doing so, im called the ANGEL not devil.
im like saving her life.
her whole 4 yrs in guides. LOL.
how wonderful am i?
very wonderful indeed.

one day i might jus get that person to shut up and listen to me.
rather than letting it to boast and boast abt it's whatsoever.
its as though it is the greatest animal on earth.
and no other human beings can ever be better than it.
the human beings kept quiet not because we're not as good as it.
but because we dun think we shld bother at some animal boasting abt how well it is using the animal language to communicate with the world.
hahahahaha.

OMG. tmr the o level results will be out!
this means that its my turn next year.
this also means that all the seniors are coming back.
including some scary creatures too.
oh my god.
thinking of it freaks me out.

im not going to sleep on the same date, same time, NEXT YEAR!

my creation.

2006-02-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

the sec 3s.
they did me proud.
all did so well for the flag etiquette.
esp my dear meiyu!
hahahahhahahahahahha.
so happy to see her clearing the test.

well at least the eugenia LAU was quite impressed.
they're my creation ok.
hahahahhahahha.
they're better than our batch.
when we have to keep redo-ing.
everybody redo dont know how many times.
i rmb that i always cant stop right infront of the flag pole.
and my flag got tangled on top.
so irritating.
its so funny thinking abt it.

but its not mainly our fault.
we didn't even practise before going for the test.
for the person who used to be incharge of us:
maybe its because u dun have enough time?
but pls lah. since u alr know how limited the time is.
blah blah.

the only problem with sec 3s are that they are so lack of self-confidence.
i tried testing them. haiyo.
so disappointing
they all passed! but most of them thinks that they'll fail.
seriously lah sec3s.
u girls always look so confident infront of me.
in the sense that u all told me to have EARLY STEP DOWN
when u girls were so enthusiastic in doing EVERYTHING.
u already look so confident in taking over guides.
BUT. it all becomes so different when i ask it straight into ur faces.
sometimes i wonder.
are u all trying to be humble?
i mean u should know where u stand at this momenta alr.
i want to know the truth.
and u all should be truthful abt anything thats has got to do with guides,

TMR IS THE SEC 2s TURN.
SO OH MY GOD!
LOL.
im scared for them.
probably nobody will fail.
ya. nobody will.

the future of bowen guides?
it all depends on u girls......

M. A. D.

2006-02-06T20:08:00.000+08:00

can u imagine?
how idiotic someone can be
to even not have the common sense to do simple things right.
so super pissed.
basic drills and timing also cant get it right.
i dun understand what are her brain, ears, legs and hands are for.
brain esp!
haiyo.
making me mad lah.

i mean if u know u're not good enough to take the test,
why not put in more effort to practise it?
rather than keep huh-ing when u're told to practise.
everybody is waiting for you.
just you.
haiyo.
but if this girl is going to do everything fine on the test day itself,
i'll hug her and say ''i love u so much. thank you!''
LOL.

maybe i shouldn't just blame her for it.
those pple that left gg didn't even set the basic strength for them.
i just feel so glad that im the 1990s baby yeah?
not the 91, or 92.
whee~~
well, if this is so, the more im not going to give up.
create a miracle!
i believe so.

hey no! im not the lucky ones.
im in the batch with knowledge passed jus simply for 1 yr......
the rest of my days in guides..
i dont know. doesn't look good.
but i read the whole handbook! LOL.
and initiated the courses found from ggs website.
the juniors below are the ones that hasn't get things right!
doesn't this means im going to get everything start right from the beginning?
gosh. yes i am.
then they are the lucky ones?
eh this is so unfair lah!
but at least we go for those courses. if not.....

i might just sit there and cry.
hahahahhaha.

carrot cake

2006-02-04T13:33:00.000+08:00

haha!
im having fried carrot cake now.
yum yum.
actually thinking abt it,
this packet of carrot cake shld be consider healthy.
doesn't it?
it consist of carbo, protein, some vitamins and fats.
somemore it taste so good.
isn't this complete enough? lol.
carbo: carrot cake itself
protein: egg
some vitamins: carrot! and the sone green green garnish.
fats: the oil.
sometimes it burns off ur fats too.
if u put alot of chilli inside.
GREAT enough? hahahahaha.
HAHAHAHAHA.
this is the eugenia's logic abt carrot cake.
hope u people enjoy it whenever u eat it.
ITS NOT FATTY. LOL.
=D

...

2006-02-02T20:29:00.000+08:00

today is such an exhausting day.
was so tired.
so tired that i dozed off 3 times during the 20 minutes physic test.
when i didn't complete the paper yet.
feel that my eyes are swollen
and cant open it properly.
eyelids are so heavy.
when i slept at 11.30pm last night ok.

only during a maths when i kept on blabbering and singing all my nonsense songs again.
sadly nobody wants to bother about me.
all were so concentrated.
and i failed 2 of my diagnostic test out of 5.
people says they've got no time and i agreed.
the fact is i cant do the graph thing too.
but who cares lah. haha.

feeling crazy.
so many things in my mind now.
all the tests are like poping out all together.
so many events for guides.
thinking day, campfire, and still struggling to bring up the whole unit
of cos to keep ALL the sec 1s intact too!
cannot let WW laugh at.
hahahhaa.
but campfire alone is taxing enough according to what we've talked abt today.
then! i was also reminded that we have o level chinese in june.
as well as the campfire on late june.
hmmmm.
i hope i wun die on the spot.
*cross-fingers*

god i cant imagine how monforts scouts will look like.
haha. are they
fat? thin? tall? short?
cute? ugly? smart? dumb?
strong? weak? gay? egolish?
whoa!

its so embarrassing to shout commands so loudly
and it goes out of tune.....
infront of the badminton players.
damn. grr.

quiet.

2006-01-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

so many people coming to my hse.
and i dun recognise most of them.
according to my mum,
they are my
granny's sister's children's children.
OR
grandpa's sibling's children's children.
such long dist relatives who we only get to see them once a year.
our ultimate goals are just their angpaoS.
but of course getting to see them once a year is better than nothing.
mummy keeps saying ''let them know each other den we'll get closer together''
like what? just merely says happy new year and glance through whoever that is there,
can make us know each other better and closer,
then the whole world would be friends alr.
true? haha.
the fact is. only seeing once a year, do u think we'll even sit down to talk?
we dont even have a single topic to talk about.

now what?
im quiet ok.
steady seh.
as in like i dun speak much.
feeling so tired.
perhaps i'll just laugh, not as much as what i usually do.
i just cant stop feeling tired.haha.
even as we travels from one hse to another, i'll just dozed off.
like singapore is so small and we take little time so travel,
yet i can fall asleep in just a few minutes time.
people talk, i listen.
sit there and listen.
and i listen.
and listen.
and listen.
hahaha.

got more to say.
but something just pop out and
totally spoil my mood.
stupid.

its so cosy.

2006-01-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

yupp. this is new.
though my blog always last for just 3 mins but who cares. haha.
today is chinese new year eve.
and i had my reunion dinner.
the family warmth is so strong.
everybody's chit chatting.
joking.
laughing.
playing.
this is my family.
where all the uncles love to bully us.
where everybody just crap around.
where we talk abt all out happy and sad moments.
where we seldom have generation gap.
but ya. i love it.
it jus came up to me....